Before I experienced my first pregnancy, I was one of those partners who tried hard to maintain an air of mystery in my relationship. I kept every bodily function to myself. After using the bathroom, I would strictly prohibit my partner from entering, fearing that even the slightest hint of a smell would expose my humanity and my reliance on a toilet.
I went to ridiculous lengths, like sneaking out of bed to brush my teeth while my partner was still asleep, ensuring my breath was minty fresh when morning greetings commenced. I donned cute pajamas, maintained smooth legs, and generally aimed to project that I was more of a Disney princess than a swamp creature.
Then, pregnancy changed everything.
Pregnancy introduces a whole new layer to your relationship. Let me elaborate.
Gas and Bowel Movements
First, let’s talk about gas. The sheer amount of gas that accompanies pregnancy is astonishing. Biologically, I can’t explain why it happens, but when you have a tiny human rearranging your insides, gas becomes an unavoidable reality. You can either let it out in front of your partner or suffer silently—choose the former, trust me.
And then there’s the issue of bowel movements. Pregnancy can lead to a range of gastrointestinal disturbances—from constipation that has you pleading for relief to unexpected diarrhea that leaves you wishing for it to stop. Even if your partner never witnesses it, there’s a high chance they’ll hear about your bathroom escapades. Once private habits are often exposed. Soon enough, you’ll be preparing for a toddler who barges in while you’re on the toilet, asking you to open a juice box or mediate sibling disputes.
Hemorrhoids and Leaks
Let’s not forget the possibility of those uncomfortable hemorrhoids. I once needed my partner’s help to assess my condition during my last pregnancy, which wasn’t exactly the romantic moment one dreams of.
And yes, you might find yourself dealing with some unexpected leaks. You may get lucky, but many of us have experienced the unfortunate dribble that occurs when a baby is sitting on your bladder, and a sneeze comes out of nowhere. If you’re unlucky, you might find yourself in a situation where you can’t abandon your sleeping toddler in the car while picking up your first grader, leading to a very embarrassing moment.
Labor, Delivery, and Recovery
Now let’s discuss labor, delivery, and recovery. If you make it through pregnancy without exposing your partner to any bodily functions, congratulations! However, the delivery process is another story. Whether it’s amniotic fluid or the realities of childbirth, there are numerous opportunities for everything to get messy.
If your water breaks, it might be a gentle drizzle or a dramatic flood—imagine waddling through a store while the staff stares in shock. During labor, your body won’t be its most dignified self. If there’s gas to pass, you’ll pass it, and if you’re in an unfortunate situation with poop, well, that might just happen too.
Even if you’re planning a C-section, don’t think you’re exempt from the less glamorous side of childbirth. I’ve had three C-sections, and let me tell you, there’s still plenty of body surprises that can occur.
Pregnancy and delivery—regardless of the method—have a way of bringing couples closer together. Though the journey can be challenging, it often leads to amusing stories that you’ll cherish later.
Further Reading
For more insights on this topic, check out this post on home insemination. If you’re curious about the process, Intracervical Insemination is an authority in the field. For a great resource on pregnancy and home insemination, visit NHS.
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In summary, pregnancy can dramatically alter the dynamics of your marriage, exposing both partners to the humorous and often messy realities of bodily functions. While it may not always be glamorous, it certainly strengthens the bond between partners, providing a wealth of funny anecdotes for the future.