After a lengthy journey through the realm of toddlerhood, I am thrilled to announce that my three-and-a-half-year-old, Charlie, has finally mastered potty training. Cue the confetti! Let’s celebrate this significant milestone for both Charlie and me. There were moments when my partner and I believed he might be donning Pull-Ups at his high school graduation.
So, here’s how to successfully potty train your little one in 36 rather challenging and sometimes exasperating steps:
- Begin with the notion that potty training will be easy and set your expectations sky-high.
- Gradually lower those expectations. No, even further down. That’s about right.
- Purchase a $45 superhero-themed potty online that plays a catchy song when flushed.
- Position the fancy potty in the bathroom, where it will eventually become mere decoration.
- Discover that your child prefers to continue using diapers rather than the new potty.
- Endure the same catchy tune on repeat as your child gleefully pulls the handle while still in a diaper.
- Ask if he wants to use the potty, only to witness a dramatic meltdown.
- Buy fun underwear featuring his favorite characters to spark interest.
- Dress him in the new underwear, only for him to revert to his old habits.
- Transition to Pull-Ups, realizing they provide a false sense of security.
- Attempt to entice him with candy rewards for successful potty use.
- End up giving him an overwhelming amount of candy as he learns to manipulate the system.
- Come to terms with the fact that he still prefers the comfort of his Pull-Ups and decide to wait until he’s ready.
- Encounter a particularly messy diaper and resolve to tackle potty training once more.
- Experience shock and disgust when he decides to relieve himself in the backyard, realizing he knows exactly what he’s doing.
- Let him roam around the house without clothes for the weekend to encourage potty use.
- Celebrate the first successful potty usage with a Play-Doh reward.
- Spend the subsequent week cleaning Play-Doh remnants from your carpet.
- Wince as he pees in one of your favorite shoes while enjoying his newfound freedom.
- Breathe a sigh of relief when the weekend concludes and you can reintroduce clothing.
- Continue the naked approach whenever you’re home to promote potty habits.
- Try to persuade the babysitter to allow him to be naked, but receive an emphatic refusal.
- Attempt big boy underwear again.
- Convince him that superheroes wear big boy underwear, even over their costumes.
- Spend countless hours in the bathroom, using a tablet to entertain him while he tries to potty.
- Celebrate each minor success with enthusiasm.
- Clean up numerous accidents around the house.
- Fish his treasured action figure from the potty after a successful attempt.
- Discard several pairs of underwear that are beyond salvaging.
- Wake up multiple times at night due to accidents.
- Gradually notice improvements in his potty training skills.
- Praise him for his efforts and progress.
- Realize he is now 99% potty trained after what feels like an eternity.
- Store the unused $45 potty in the basement for a future sibling.
- Experience a minor panic when you have to use a public restroom and he sits on the filthy seat before you can intervene.
- Acknowledge that perhaps you should have set lower expectations but rejoice in the fact that you no longer need to buy diapers, which opens the door for another child.
And there you have it! A comprehensive guide to navigating the complexities of potty training in 36 arduous steps. You can express your gratitude after you triumph through this journey.
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Summary
Potty training can be a daunting task filled with unexpected challenges. Following this light-hearted yet realistic guide through 36 steps, parents can find humor in the process while navigating the ups and downs of teaching their child to use the potty.