A few weeks ago, my eldest decided to go skydiving with a group of friends. While she soared through the sky, her father and I nervously monitored our phones for updates on her safe return. This is just part of the parenting journey. As soon as I became a mom, every instinct in me focused on ensuring the safety of that tiny human. Yet almost immediately, my children began to find creative ways to put themselves in harm’s way.
I took all the necessary precautions: outlet covers, car seats, locks on cleaning supplies, conversations about online safety, drugs, alcohol, driving, and even safe sex. But despite my efforts, they still managed to come home with broken bones, dented cars, and questionable choices. From their first wobbly steps (which often led them straight into furniture) to scraped knees from bike spills, much of parenting felt like a relentless pursuit to cushion them in bubble wrap, only for them to discard it and take risks.
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Once, I put my 3-month-old down for a nap and went to paint some window frames upstairs. My husband came home briefly for lunch and, as was our custom, locked the door behind him. When I heard the baby stir, I rushed downstairs only to find myself locked out, with no phone and no one around. Panic set in as I pondered if jumping out of the second-story window would be a viable option. I even tried to break the door down, but as it turns out, it’s not as easy as it looks in the movies. The only person around was a teenager playing basketball a few houses down. I frantically waved and shouted until he came to my rescue and let himself into my house. Clearly, his parents had not instilled the “Stranger Danger” lesson effectively.
This same child had once locked herself in her room as a toddler, and I remember sitting outside the door, our fingers touching through the crack, desperately trying to open it. There’s nothing more excruciating for a parent than feeling helpless when your child needs you.
Consider the parents of chronically ill kids, watching them go into yet another procedure. Think of those who are kept apart from their adopted children for months due to bureaucratic delays. Reflect on divorced parents navigating custody with an irresponsible ex or those with children deployed overseas. These experiences are part of the parenting package, but none of us read the fine print before diving in.
A friend recently shared her worries after dropping her child off at college, expressing her fear of not being able to help her daughter if something went wrong. I can relate, especially since my own child will study abroad next semester. The news of global events can heighten that anxiety, but fear shouldn’t dictate our actions. As Marianne Williamson wisely said, “Love is what we’re born with; fear is what we learn here.”
Parenting inherently involves risk. From birth, we engage in a delicate dance of keeping our hearts close and letting them venture out. Our goal is ultimately to prepare them for independence.
I grew up in the ’70s and ’80s, when we rode bikes for miles without helmets and drank from the garden hose. There was minimal concern over safety, and I wholeheartedly support adventurous activities like running barefoot, riding galloping horses, climbing trees, and shouting, “Swing higher, Dad!”
Yes, there are moments filled with panic and heartache, times when we can’t shield our children from every mishap. Did we truly think parenting would be all sweetness and light? We mustn’t idolize safety in a world that thrives on fear. Failure has become a taboo word, yet it’s often the only path to growth.
The hidden treasures lie on the other side of risk. Embracing risk opens doors to connection, creativity, and a vibrant life. Sometimes, we must let go of the bike’s back and allow our children to find their balance, even if it means stepping back. After all, parenting should not revolve around my fears but should be focused on their journey.
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Summary:
Allowing children to take risks fosters growth, creativity, and independence. As parents, it’s essential to balance safety with the necessity of letting them explore the world. While fear can be overwhelming, embracing risk can lead to valuable life lessons and stronger connections.