“Hey, Lisa! How have you been this year? It feels like ages since we last met…”
“Whoa, hold it right there! Sunscreen first, young man!”
“Sorry, it’s just been so long! How are your kids doing? Did they enjoy their…”
“Can you please stop moving? I don’t want to get sunscreen in your eyes!”
“Right, the kids! Did they have a good school year?”
“Absolutely not! Back away from the baby pool, mister! You need a floatie!”
“Uh, yes! So, about the school year…”
“No snacks! We just got here!”
“That’s fantastic! I’m thrilled to hear everything is going well for you…”
“Seriously? You can’t be hungry; you just had lunch! Now get swimming!”
“Again, my apologies. Happy to hear you guys are thriving! Do you have any plans for…”
“Wait, hold on one second… one, two… three. Okay, counted everyone! Phew! Any fun summer plans?”
“Stop splashing your brother, please! He doesn’t like it, and no one else wants to hear him cry.”
“Where was I? Oh, summer plans! Are you going anywhere exciting?”
“Absolutely not! I said no snacks! If you ask again, you’ll get nothing. Now swim!”
“The beach? That sounds amazing! We’re planning to go to the…”
“Oh no, I forgot the sunscreen for the baby. Hang on!”
“Sorry, little buddy! I know this isn’t fun, but you’ll appreciate it later. There you go, back to your water bucket.”
“Anyway, we plan to hit the beach at the (sniff, sniff). Oh no! The baby just pooped!”
“Why couldn’t you have done that ten minutes ago? Okay, kids, everyone out of the water! Into the locker room. Yes, you can have a snack later if you behave. Now march!”
“Let’s try this again. Does anyone need to go to the bathroom before we get back in?”
“No? Great!”
“Ah, the beach sounds so relaxing… one, two, three… relaxing. Speaking of which, do you think we’ll ever…”
“OH NO! Don’t squirt the lifeguard! Go apologize right now!”
“Will we ever be those moms who can close their eyes and sunbathe? Oh no! Where’s number two? I see one and three, but where’s two?”
“Phew! There you are! Get away from the snack bar! You scared me! No snacks now, got it?”
“Goodness, my kids are wild! Why do you look so calm? Is it just me?”
“Get back in time out, young man!”
“Right, I’m completely neurotic. I could really use a…”
“Fine, you can get out of time out, but you’ll be back in the chair if you squirt the lifeguard again!”
“Where was I? Oh yes, a drink, wouldn’t that be nice?”
“In ten minutes, you can have a snack.”
“Ugh, maybe I’ll skip the drink and just have a shot.”
“No, ice cream is not a snack! Snacks are chips or pretzels!”
“People think we just lounge by the pool all day and…”
“Because I said so!”
“Right? We just sit poolside and… one, two, three… relax. Lisa? Lisa?”
“Sweetheart, did you see where mommy’s friend went? Ugh, now you’ve scared her off! Why can’t you all just play nicely, stay away from the snack bar, and let me enjoy a moment of peace? Is that too much to ask?”
But don’t worry, fellow anxious moms, we can always dream of a day like that.
For more parenting insights, check out resources like this excellent guide on pregnancy and great babysitting tips. And if you’re interested in self-insemination techniques, take a look at this informative article.
In summary, poolside parenting is a whirlwind of sunscreen, snacks, and keeping an eye on the little ones. It’s a chaotic but rewarding experience that keeps us on our toes and reminds us to cherish every moment, even amidst the madness.