Hey there, cashier at the pharmacy,
I recognize that you meant well when you inquired about my due date. Lately, it seems everyone is curious, and honestly, I can’t blame them. At 25 weeks along, my belly is larger than most first-time moms, and it’s hard not to attract attention.
Having worked as a doula for several years, I understand the fascination with growing bellies. When I see someone expecting, my instinct is to approach, compliment their beauty, and ask how they’re feeling. Yet, I’ve learned that respecting boundaries is crucial. So, even now as I carry my own child, I refrain from asking others about their experiences.
When you asked me when I was due, my heart raced. I’ve had countless people express their excitement over the impending arrival of my little one, often assuming it’s any day now. Comments like “You’re ready to pop!” make me smile and nod, but when you asked for my due date, I tensed up. I replied, “December.” The look on your face made me second-guess myself. Should I have said sooner, like September or October? Why should I have to alter the truth to make you comfortable?
But you weren’t the only one who affected me that day. Nearby, a middle-aged man, who I later found out was a doctor, turned to me with a chuckle and said, “Triplets?” In that moment, my heart sank. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been asked if I’m expecting twins, and while it stings, I’ve managed to respond with a simple “no.” But triplets? That was like a punch to the gut. I felt small and vulnerable, as if my world had come crashing down yet again.
I know you didn’t intend any harm. There’s no way you could have known about my loss. The reason I look so large is that I carry the weight of two babies who are no longer with me. But that’s precisely why such questions should be avoided — because you never know someone’s story. Call it being cautious, but you can’t tell who has experienced a miscarriage, who is carrying a baby that won’t survive, or who is facing a difficult journey ahead. It’s better to stay silent than risk causing pain.
When you asked your questions with eager smiles, I left feeling defeated and reminded of the loss of my two children. I wanted to share their stories with you, but I held back, fearing it might create discomfort. So, I simply responded “no” and walked away. You may have thought I was rude, but I hope you took a moment to reflect on how your words might have crossed a line. Perhaps, just maybe, you’ll carry this lesson with you, as I carry the memory of my three babies.
Summary:
This heartfelt reflection addresses the emotional turmoil that can arise from casual comments about pregnancy. The author shares their personal experience of navigating unsolicited questions about their due date and the size of their baby bump, revealing that such inquiries can unintentionally evoke painful memories of loss. The piece emphasizes the importance of respecting boundaries and understanding that not everyone’s pregnancy journey is straightforward.
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