As I approach the final weeks of my second pregnancy, my noticeable baby bump and the discomforts of late pregnancy—like walking, sitting, and even breathing—are impossible to ignore. During this time, I frequently hear well-meaning friends and family offer the seemingly supportive words: “Just let me know if you need anything!” But honestly, I have to call it like it is: this often feels disingenuous.
Reflecting on my first pregnancy, I was genuinely touched when friends, both close and distant, expressed their willingness to help. It was heartwarming to see so many people eager to lend a hand during what I anticipated would be a significant transition. However, I soon learned that many of those offers were just that—words.
Don’t get me wrong; I believe in the power of community. It took me two years to cultivate a support network that helped me find balance and maintain my sanity as a mom. Yet, a significant part of that journey involved distinguishing the genuine offers from those that were merely polite gestures. I found a few wonderful friends who truly stepped up during tough times, but I also experienced the disappointment of friends who flaked when I needed them most. Cancelled playdates and empty promises stung, making me feel not just rejected but as if my baby was being slighted too—because we’re a package deal now.
Fast forward to this second pregnancy, and I find myself bracing for those same empty offers from acquaintances who let me down last time. I’ve learned to be cautious with new friends offering assistance. Can I trust their intentions? Are they sincere?
So, here’s my plea: if you don’t genuinely mean it, please don’t offer to help. Don’t say it just to fill the silence or to appear caring. It’s not doing either of us any favors. When I eventually reach out, and you find a reason to back out, it creates an awkward situation for both parties.
If you want to convey your well wishes, phrases like “Best of luck!” or “Congratulations!” can be just as lovely without implying any obligation. We can both go about our lives without the pressure of unfulfilled promises.
I’ve learned who my true support network is, and I feel prepared for the challenges ahead. Whether it’s postpartum depression, colic, or breastfeeding struggles, I have the right people on speed dial. Many new moms may still be figuring this out and could face similar disappointments along the way. Reaching out for help is a big step, and when a new mom is vulnerable enough to ask for it, you shouldn’t shy away.
It ultimately boils down to one simple question: Will you be there when that new mom calls? If the answer is no, then please, refrain from offering your help.
Summary
In this candid reflection, a soon-to-be mother shares her frustrations about insincere offers of help during pregnancy. She emphasizes the importance of genuine support and urges others to refrain from making empty promises. Acknowledging the challenges of new motherhood, she highlights the need for a reliable support network while encouraging well-wishers to use phrases that don’t imply obligation.