I have a point to make about parenting and childcare that might seem minor but is actually quite significant. We really need to stop referring to “please” as the “magic word.”
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a bit of magic. I could easily be a character in a fantasy novel, and I enjoy all things mystical and whimsical. Yet, “please” is not a magic word. Let me share why.
Growing up in the ’80s and becoming a teenager in the late ’90s, I was heavily influenced by figures like Mr. Rogers. His messages of kindness and politeness have left a lasting impression on me. However, I take issue with the phrase, “What’s the magic word?”
Words carry weight. While sticks and stones may break bones, words can linger in our minds far longer than any physical injury. So, when I hear the term “magic word,” I can’t help but offer my own perspective.
“Please isn’t a magic word; it’s essential.” That’s the lesson I imparted to my kids after my daughter mentioned it one day. A teacher had told her in preschool that “please” was the magic word, and she was puzzled.
“What does she mean, Mommy? I thought I had to say it when I want something?”
“She’s just repeating what she learned as a child, but it’s not accurate, is it?”
“Nope, because sometimes when I say ‘Can I have ice cream for breakfast, pweeease?’ really nicely, you still don’t let me.”
“Exactly,” I replied.
As a parent, I’ve always emphasized the importance of politeness—phrases like “Can you please ask nicely?” or “Please remember your manners.” However, the idea that “please” guarantees you’ll get what you want feels misleading.
If children think that simply saying “please” will automatically grant them their desires, it can lead to disillusionment. Life is not that straightforward, and they shouldn’t believe that it is. They need to understand that kindness is important, but it doesn’t magically transform requests into reality. Instead, they should learn that life involves a mix of hard work, responsibility, and the understanding that courtesy is vital in various situations.
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In conclusion, while “please” is an important part of communication, we must teach our children that it isn’t a magical key to getting what they want. They need to grasp that kindness and hard work are necessary components of life.
