When the pandemic caused unexpected shortages, one of the most surprising was sperm. In January 2021, my partner stumbled upon an article revealing a significant decline in sperm donations since the onset of COVID-19. A sperm bank that usually had 600 donors saw its numbers drop to 400, prompting us to revisit our long-cherished plans for starting a family.
My partner and I met in 2013 and tied the knot in 2019 at a charming inn in upstate New York. Our families thought our seven-month engagement was rushed, but looking back, we feel fortunate. We had initially aimed to start our family around 2020, but the pandemic halted all our plans—until now.
We never intended to conceive during a global crisis, but the reality was that the pandemic was here to stay. Parents of young children were undoubtedly facing the toughest challenges, and our finances had taken a hit; my live storytelling event went virtual in April 2020, which was not the best financial choice! Nevertheless, my partner was approaching her late 30s, and we had friends who struggled for years with IVF. It was time to move forward.
This meant choosing one of the country’s top sperm banks—evidently the most expensive option. Much like getting a tattoo at 40, this wasn’t the time for thriftiness. Our chosen bank boasted a mere 1% acceptance rate, a statistic I surprisingly felt good about!
We sifted through countless profiles of donors, each with charming names like Bilingual Brainiac and A-List Athlete, accompanied by catchy descriptions. While we started with hundreds of options, our specific health requirements narrowed the list down to just 23. The search was on.
The term “anonymous donor” was misleading; we had access to far more information than I have about my closest friends. In addition to medical histories, we were intrigued by short recorded interviews that revealed their personalities. We organized our findings into categories: Possibilities, Maybe, and Nope. The Nope category filled up quickly with notes like “Into sports,” “Seems a bit dull,” or simply, “Not for us.”
My family thought I was enjoying this process, akin to indulging in an expensive shopping spree. In truth, I found it challenging to accept that my child would not be biologically related to me. I yearned for the traditional experience of conceiving with the person I loved. This lingering concern was eased somewhat by a dear friend from Australia, who was adopted, telling me she saw no difference in her feelings toward her mother. “She’s my Mum,” my friend simply stated.
Our first interview was with a candidate I dubbed Friendly Scientist. When asked about his priorities, he mentioned sustainability and a desire to improve the world through nanotechnology. Impressive, I thought, jotting down, “used the word assuage” when he described his ability to comfort friends in distress. He had blue eyes, curly hair, and Irish roots—just like me. To top it off, his celebrity look-alike was John Krasinski, who everyone seems to adore.
After 22 more interviews, Friendly Scientist made it to our top tier, alongside another contender, Handsome Chef, who radiated vacation fling vibes. The next morning, however, Handsome Chef had vanished from the list, his profile status changing from green (available) to red (unavailable). In a panic, I woke my partner, exclaiming, “We need to secure Friendly Scientist—now!”
A few forms later, we became the proud future parents of several vials of a stranger’s sperm. The ensuing months were a whirlwind of hormone treatments, medical appointments, and the eventual Insemination Day. What felt like years of anticipation wrapped up in a mere 10 seconds. Then, two weeks later, on a rainy June afternoon, we received The Call. My partner was pregnant! I experienced a whirlwind of emotions, from elation to anxiety. Was this the right time to start a family in the middle of a pandemic?
Ultimately, we had always envisioned building a family, and many would agree there’s never a perfect moment. While both of us are seasoned in our careers, the prospect of parenting didn’t fill us with dread. I look forward to sharing the joys of childhood, like bedtime stories and exploring nature together. I wonder if my heart will expand with love in ways I can’t yet fathom. The decision to become parents might seem a bit crazy under these circumstances, but that’s what adds excitement to life. Though the child won’t be biologically mine, my love and commitment to them will remain unchanged.
Now, just 20 days from meeting the little one growing inside my partner, we’re navigating uncertainty amid the ongoing pandemic. My partner is both excited and apprehensive about childbirth and the challenges of parenthood, and I share those feelings! I’ll do my best to ease her worries as we prepare for the adventure ahead.
For more insights on navigating the journey of parenthood during these unpredictable times, check out this resource on fertility. If you’re interested in pelvic health, this site provides valuable information as well. You can also read more about similar experiences in our other post here.
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- How to conceive during a pandemic
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- Parenting while pregnant in a pandemic
- Home insemination tips
- Navigating IVF during COVID-19
In summary, planning for a baby in the midst of a global pandemic can be daunting but also rewarding. Despite uncertainties, the desire to create a family remains strong, and love transcends biological ties. Every parent’s journey is unique, and embracing the adventure ahead is what truly counts.