New parents are often in desperate need of several things: restful sleep, long showers, meals consumed with both hands, and laundry that’s clean, folded, and put away. Did I mention sleep? As a new mom, I’ve quickly realized that what many new parents (especially moms) truly don’t need is more clichéd advice. We’re all too familiar with the usual platitudes:
- “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Yeah, right. If I do that, who will check how many likes my latest exhausted Facebook post received? Priorities, people.
- “Train your baby to sleep—now, later, or never.” It’s as confusing as trying to solve calculus problems after a few drinks. Instead, I’ll just pay attention to my baby’s sleep cues and follow the age-old advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps.”
- “Don’t worry about laundry; your baby won’t be a baby for long.” So, how many pairs of my dirty underwear are you willing to wear?
Even well-meaning advice often serves the giver more than the receiver. So, while I’m about to share some insights, think of them as “permissions” you can grant yourself as a new mom rather than rules to strictly follow.
1. Just Cut the Onesie Off.
Picture this: your beautiful newborn has just had a major diaper blowout. You’re stuck deciding whether to pull the onesie over her head or down her body. Either option leads to a messy situation. Give yourself the green light to cut that onesie off. If it cost $35, consider it a lesson learned; babies will always outgrow their clothes—or, in this case, ruin them. It’s your favorite outfit? Well, it was. Now it’s just a poop-covered memory. Remember, blades should always be directed toward the feet.
2. Breastfeed in Public, Awkwardly.
If you’re not nursing, feel free to skip this one, or revel in the fact that you’re not dealing with “nipple management” every day. If you’ve never exposed yourself to strangers before, get ready; it’s bound to happen. You might feel embarrassed or awkward, and that’s completely normal. You may face comments like, “You should cover up” or “That’s inappropriate.” Just remember: your baby, with milk dripping from her mouth, will likely turn to stare at the source of such comments, amplifying the awkwardness. At one point, I naively thought, “I wish someone would say something!” In reality, I’d rather not be the center of awkward attention. But don’t let embarrassment stop you from feeding your child. You survived middle school, right? You can handle awkwardness. It does get easier, and chances are you’ve got less acne this time around.
3. Embrace Doubt, and Don’t.
Borrowing a mantra from a wise source, “Doubt means don’t.” In our digital age, we have access to an overwhelming amount of parenting information—so much that it’s nearly impossible to digest it all. Want the best advice on caring for yourself and your baby? Trust your intuition. If you can’t hear it, it’s likely because you’re drowning in noise. Turn off the internet, ignore calls from your mom, and step back from message boards (seriously, just avoid them).
There isn’t a single parenting philosophy that will suit everyone. No child is identical to yours, and no mother is exactly like you. Surround yourself with a supportive community that boosts your confidence as a mom. Consider joining groups that resonate with your parenting style or attending postpartum support meetings. It’s important to create that “village” for yourself because, let’s face it, parenting is tough. If something feels off, it probably is. If you find yourself drawn to different practices than your mommy friends, embrace what feels right for you. Trust your instincts and disregard unsolicited advice—yes, even this post.
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Summary
New motherhood is filled with challenges and unsolicited advice. Rather than adhering to clichés, allow yourself to embrace the chaos with these permissions: cut the onesie when disaster strikes, awkwardly breastfeed in public, and trust your instincts when in doubt. Surround yourself with supportive communities and prioritize what feels right for you and your baby.