During the chaotic days of potty-training our first child, we welcomed friends visiting from out of town. They were new parents to an adorable little baby, a real charmer. The father, a close friend, had recently watched a Dr. Phil episode touting a miraculous weekend potty-training method. With sincere enthusiasm, he declared, “Just follow steps X, Y, and Z, and she’ll be fully potty-trained by Monday!”
Ha! As if we hadn’t already attempted those very steps. We had explored every conceivable method, from A to Z, employing rewards, encouragement, bribery, and every trick in the book—short of actual magic—to get our darling girl to use the toilet regularly.
Every parent knows how frustrating it can be to receive parenting advice from those who haven’t experienced it firsthand. I often wonder how I ever felt qualified to offer advice before I had kids. If I ever did, I hope someone would retroactively give me a good slap.
Equally irksome are the suggestions from parents with just one perfect child under the age of three. I call them POOPCUPs: Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool age. Bless their hearts, they’re often blissfully unaware of the realities of parenting. Our friend with his sweet baby was a classic POOPCUP; I can admit now that I was likely one too, possibly even the president of this group.
Firstborns often seem angelic through their parents’ eyes, creating a blissful delusion that encourages families to expand. They’re cute, they fill us with love, and before they hit three, they lead us to believe we’re doing everything right. Yes, caring for a baby or toddler can be challenging. Sure, they cry inexplicably at times and get into everything. But often, it’s just adorable smiles, innocent giggles, and sweet lullabies.
I know many of you with toddlers might disagree, but I’d argue that parenting kids under three is relatively straightforward. Sure, the physical demands can be exhausting—chasing them around, dealing with erratic sleep, and changing diapers—but the actual parenting part is often simpler than it appears.
I remember thinking that when our first child was a toddler, I was in the most challenging phase of parenthood. I assumed that once I transitioned to parenting older kids, I’d find it easier to navigate the emotional complexities. After all, I had experience as a teacher, and I thought I was prepared for the challenges that come with older children. I just needed to reach a stage where I could get a full night’s sleep and perhaps a moment to myself without a tiny person interrupting.
What I didn’t realize was that the emotional demands of parenting are just as, if not more, draining than the physical challenges.
Reflecting back on my time as POOPCUP President, our first child was a delightful little being. She wasn’t the best sleeper until she turned 18 months, but otherwise, she was a bright, curious, and joyful child. She listened well, often exhibited agreeable behavior, and had a smile that could melt anyone’s heart.
Had she remained our only child, I might have been the most self-satisfied mother around. I had a well-behaved, clever child who even sang prayers at a meeting, sitting quietly and reverently.
Oh, how naïve I was.
Our second child, however, was an entirely different story. In fact, she was quite the character. At age two, she named her doll “Horse” without a moment’s hesitation. She has always had a fascination with wildlife and has expressed her wish to be an animal rather than a human more times than I can count.
Needless to say, she didn’t sit through prayer meetings as a toddler. Once you have more than one child, it becomes clear that a lot of their personality is inherent, rather than a product of your exceptional parenting skills.
I acknowledge that my perspective might not sit well with parents of one little one. I remember feeling irritated when parents with multiple kids acted as if I lacked the experience to contribute to parenting discussions with just one child. While having a single child can be incredibly challenging, it doesn’t compare to the complexities of raising multiple children. This isn’t a judgment, simply a fact.
I can relate to POOPCUPs because I once was one. You might know a few yourself. If you are currently in the POOPCUP phase, be patient. They’ll figure it out soon enough. For now, let them relish the joys of their perfect child.
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Summary
Parenting can be a rollercoaster, especially when navigating the differences between having one child and multiple children. First-time parents often fall into the trap of believing they have parenting all figured out, especially when their first child appears easygoing. However, as families grow, the realities of parenting reveal themselves, highlighting the inherent traits of each child. It’s essential to appreciate the journey and understand that parenting experiences vary greatly.