A few hours later, I found out my daughter had developed a stress-related issue with her mouth—an incisive papilla trauma, a term I had never heard before but apparently is quite common among stressed-out teens. The family dentist, after performing a minor procedure, seemed unfazed by yet another case of teenage anxiety while we were both horrified by its appearance. While we waited, my daughter asked, “Did you see the email about PupilPath?”
“What’s PupilPath?” I replied, confused.
“Not PupilPath. PupilPath,” she laughed, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you’ve been at this for four years and still don’t know what it is. You’re so out of touch, even my math teacher thinks so!”
“Is that the online system where you can check grades?” I asked, finally catching on.
“Yes! Oh my God,” she exclaimed, rolling her eyes.
“Well, in that case, I’m not out of touch,” I said. “I just don’t care.”
PupilPath, which I had to Google to reference correctly, is the platform where my daughter’s grades are displayed. I have no idea how to access it, nor do I intend to find out. Parents and students can monitor grades in real-time, down to the minutest decimal point. I vaguely recall an email about this service during my daughter’s freshman year, which I promptly disregarded. Why would I want constant updates on her academic performance? It’s not like it’s a sports match—it’s school.
Honestly, I would rather not have a detailed account of my daughter’s grades than know the daily fluctuations of my Amazon ranking or retirement fund. Who cares? They go up and down, and that’s just how it goes.
Yet, some parents argue that knowing their kids’ grades allows them to guide their children toward improvement. To that, I say: Are you serious? If you’re constantly steering your children, how will they learn to succeed or fail based on their own efforts? My generation managed to navigate high school without round-the-clock grade tracking, and I assure you, it was far less stressful. Stress, we now know, can have damaging effects on both mind and body.
During the financial crisis of 2008, I had to implore my father, who was battling pancreatic cancer, to stop obsessively monitoring his online stock portfolio. “It’s not good for your health!” I would shout. I’m no physician, but witnessing his decline every time he checked his account was enough evidence for me. Ultimately, none of it mattered in the grand scheme of life.
He understood that being fixated on those numbers was detracting from the quality of the time he had left. I know this feeling all too well. When my first book was released, the first thing I did after checking into hotel rooms during my book tour was check my Amazon ranking. I visited twelve cities, yet all I remember is obsessively watching that number fluctuate.
I feel ashamed—both of myself and of us parents collectively. How did we reach a point where we’re more focused on checking grades than discussing literature or ideas? Our obsession has caused our children to lose sight of the broader educational experience.
To illustrate: just weeks before my daughter’s exams, she informed me that grades of 90 and above were marked in blue on PupilPath, with little gold stars; 80 to 90 were green; and anything below 80 was yellow. However, some administrator decided to change this system so that only grades of 98 and above would be blue, relegating the rest to green.
The reaction from parents was frantic; they insisted their kids elevate their grades from green to blue—even though the grades themselves hadn’t changed! Students took to an anonymous Facebook page, with one expressing, “Those stars are the only things that make me feel accomplished after all my hard work. I know it sounds silly, but these small changes can have big effects.”
Reading that confession made me want to cry. We’ve put the cart before the horse so thoroughly that they might as well be in different time zones. Over 1,700 students—nearly half the student body—voted to restore the blue color for grades of 90 and above. Imagine if all that energy had been dedicated to reading Proust, solving complex math problems, or studying string theory. Wouldn’t that have been a more worthwhile use of their time?
The ramifications of this continuous grade-checking and color-coding are far-reaching, surpassing the $260 I spent on my daughter’s dental issue. We’ve sacrificed our sanity, our children’s mental well-being, and the joy of learning for the illusion of control that comes with real-time data.
Call me out of touch if you wish. I’ll be in my room, diving into a book, creating art, or enjoying a hike, cherishing the miracle of existence—something that truly matters.
For more insights into parenting and to stay informed, check out The Baby Blog, which offers valuable resources on parenting topics. Also, for those interested in pregnancy and home insemination, visit NHS for excellent information.
In summary, it’s important for parents to step back and allow their children to navigate their academic journeys without constant oversight. Fostering independence and a love for learning is far more beneficial than obsessively tracking grades.