This past weekend, my partner and I attended a family wedding sans our children. Even though our kids are now older, finding time for ourselves is still a rare luxury. Our eldest, a middle schooler, could manage a night at home alone. However, our youngest still needs a babysitter, and coordinating that alongside our hectic schedule can be quite the ordeal.
Looking back, it was much more challenging when they were younger. Even if we managed to secure a sitter, the bedtime routine often ended in chaos. Our kids would stay up too late, and then we’d deal with grumpy little ones for days. Plus, there were times when our budget simply didn’t allow for a babysitter. And don’t get me started on the breastfeeding phase—nights out were practically impossible, as leaving them with someone else meant they’d be fussy and refuse a bottle.
About an hour into the wedding, I ran into my partner’s cousin and noticed his sister, who has a toddler, was absent. They typically attend family gatherings, so I mentioned sending her my love. The cousin then expressed a sort of apology for her absence, saying, “It’s just so hard to get away with the baby.” I quickly responded, emphasizing that there’s no need for apologies. I completely understood, and I would have made the same choice.
This exchange got me thinking: why do parents feel the need to explain their absence from events?
No Obligation to Justify Absences
No parent should ever feel obligated to justify why they can’t attend gatherings. Seriously, it should be understood that from birth until at least age five (and sometimes longer), attendance at events may not be feasible for parents of young children. Even if kids are invited, night events disrupting bedtime or locations that are difficult to reach shouldn’t come with assumptions that parents can make it.
I know some occasions might feel significant, but if it’s truly important—like a wedding, for instance—parents will do their best to attend when they can. No one is purposely trying to be inconsiderate.
While I acknowledge that sometimes we need to step outside our comfort zones and bring cranky kids along, ultimately, it’s up to each parent to decide when that’s appropriate.
The Judgment from Others
What frustrates me is the judgment from others. It’s as if someone outside of parenting can dictate when a parent should make sacrifices for events. Many people forget how demanding raising small children can be. It’s a full-time job requiring constant attention, and not everyone has access to babysitters. Balancing work, home responsibilities, and childcare is no small feat.
So, I firmly believe that parents of little ones deserve a free pass from attending events unless they genuinely can. They shouldn’t be questioned about their absence and certainly don’t owe anyone an explanation.
When you learn that a parent can’t make it to a wedding, holiday gathering, or family dinner, the response should simply be: “Of course they can’t come; they have a young child.” And that’s it.
A Reminder of Parental Obligations
This article serves as a reminder that parental obligations often overshadow social expectations. If you’re looking for tips on parenting or insights into family life, be sure to check out our other blog posts like this one on sensory-friendly activities here. For more on maternity offers, visit this authoritative source. And if you’re exploring options for pregnancy or home insemination, this resource is excellent.
In summary, parents are not obligated to explain their absence from events, and societal norms should reflect that understanding.