“Friends shouldn’t grab or hurt each other,” I found myself saying to another child.
It was a typical afternoon at a local play center, with my five-year-old son, Jake, and his three-year-old sister, Lily, in tow. Upon our arrival, a young boy began to shadow us—not just following, but chasing and shouting, occasionally making unwanted physical contact. My kids were clearly uncomfortable, and I was too.
Had the boy’s mother been a bit more attentive, she might have noticed my attempts to catch her eye, hoping to convey a gentle, “Could you please talk to your child about his behavior?” look. Was her son being extremely mean? Not exactly. But his actions were making my kids and me feel uneasy.
I understood he was likely trying to make friends, albeit clumsily, so I attempted to engage him in a friendly manner. I suggested they all try the big slide or create an obstacle course together. Unfortunately, he showed little interest in my suggestions, which was fine, and we tried to enjoy our time regardless.
However, two incidents occurred—nothing catastrophic, but significant enough to irk this mama bear. Kids will be kids, right? They’ll make mistakes, right? But what happens when those mistakes cross a line and negatively affect another child, either physically or emotionally? If a physical incident requires adult intervention, does an emotional one? It’s a tricky situation we parents often face in public spaces, whether at play areas, parks, or schools.
The first incident involved this boy lying on top of Jake after he slid down. Jake was clearly uncomfortable, and despite our requests for him to get off, it took a while for the boy to move. Later, while Lily was snacking, he approached her and squeezed her arm hard. Even after I made direct eye contact with him, signaling that his behavior was inappropriate, he refused to let go.
I gently pried his fingers off her arm, which left a noticeable mark for a brief moment. I looked around for his parent, wanting to address the situation directly, but it was unclear who was responsible for him. I told him it wasn’t nice to hurt others and that he could definitely play with them, but “friends don’t grab and hurt each other.” He ran off, and I watched as my kids returned to their play. Soon after, the boy and his adult vanished without a trace.
The entire experience left me feeling frustrated and sad. I questioned whether I handled it appropriately. The boy seemed lonely, seeking companionship but acting in ways that would deter friendship. Afterward, I talked to Jake and Lily about the importance of being inclusive and how sometimes kids struggle to connect positively. We also discussed the significance of respecting personal boundaries—just because another child crosses those lines doesn’t mean my kids should tolerate it.
Parenting my children is already a full-time job; I don’t want to take on the responsibility of parenting others’ kids alongside mine. This young boy clearly wanted attention from peers and would benefit from guidance on how to seek it appropriately.
While there’s a line we shouldn’t cross when it comes to correcting other people’s children, there’s also a boundary I must uphold for my own kids. If someone’s child crosses that line, I will step in to teach them how to interact respectfully. Jake and Lily would have loved to play with this boy if he had simply toned down his aggressive approach and listened to them—or me.
Sadly, friendships weren’t formed that day. “Friends don’t grab and hurt each other,” I reiterated to that child, but, in an ideal world, he should have already known that. I understand that there may be underlying factors at play—perhaps special needs or trauma—that contribute to his behavior. It’s crucial for all children to have adult supervision to prevent harm, but we must also lead with empathy and avoid hasty judgments.
Had I been able to speak with that boy’s mother, it could have led to a meaningful conversation about the challenges of parenting and the nuances of raising young children. Maybe, just maybe, my kids would have made a new friend that day—and so would I.
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of parenting in public spaces can be daunting, especially when other children’s behaviors cross personal boundaries. While it’s essential to foster inclusivity and empathy among kids, parents must also advocate for their children’s comfort and safety. Establishing boundaries while also leading with understanding can pave the way for healthier interactions among children.