Bedtime had passed by 25 minutes, and yet, I could hear soft footsteps in the hallway along with a small voice calling out, “Mom.” This was the third night this week that my daughter struggled to fall asleep. When I asked her what was bothering her, she replied that she didn’t know, just that she felt a deep sense of worry. I lay beside her, gently stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, and wiping away her tears. As a parent, there’s nothing more heartbreaking than witnessing your child in distress and feeling powerless to alleviate their pain.
I’ve learned to cope with my anxiety as an adult, but as a child, I never had that opportunity. This lack of understanding led me to therapy and medication, which now help me navigate daily life. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help through therapy or medication; however, I hope to guide my daughter toward alternative ways to manage her anxiety.
Our journey to help her with her anxiety began unexpectedly. One evening, she approached me, upset and crying, saying she felt like she had wet herself. At seven years old, she was already grappling with shame in addition to her anxiety. We rushed to the bathroom, only to find she hadn’t had an accident, yet she insisted she felt wet.
We experimented with various types of underwear, restricted her fluid intake before bed, and ensured she used the bathroom before settling in. Yet, she still came to my room in tears, feeling uncomfortable. Naturally, I did what any concerned parent would do—I turned to Google. By the week’s end, my anxiety was just as high as hers, prompting me to schedule a visit with her pediatrician.
After a thorough physical exam and a series of tough questions I wasn’t prepared for, we ruled out any history of sexual abuse or trauma. The pediatrician then inquired about her overall feelings. My daughter opened up about her struggles with falling asleep and persistent worrying that left her feeling upset.
The pediatrician introduced me to a condition called PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders), a term I was unfamiliar with until that moment. The combination of symptoms aligned perfectly, and we began treatment immediately. The recovery period varies from child to child, but thankfully, she was nearly back to her normal self within days. While addressing her physical health was relatively straightforward—antibiotics and steroids to tackle the underlying issue—the more challenging aspect was navigating the compulsive and anxious behaviors that had brought us here in the first place.
Initially, I felt like a complete failure. What had I done wrong? Was there something I could have done differently to prevent her from struggling as I had? Living with anxiety and depression, I worried that perhaps I had passed this down to her.
Once again, I consulted Google. While some studies indicate that mental illnesses can be inherited, the environment also plays a significant role. Establishing open discussions about mental health in our home has been vital in supporting my daughter. I let her see me taking my medication, even when admitting I’m not perfect is tough. Just as I had to embrace my own quirks, I want her to accept herself too.
Since her anxiety symptoms appeared suddenly, without any prior indication, we opted not to medicate her. Will this remain the case? Who knows. In the meantime, she has adopted various strategies to manage her anxiety rather than allowing it to overwhelm her. We collaborated with her school counselor to create glitter jars, worry stones, and encouraged her to express her feelings through writing.
Glitter jars provide her with a distraction from anxious thoughts. When shaken, watching the glitter settle allows her mind to calm. Worry stones are easy to create and perfect for discreet situations. Instead of bringing a glitter jar to school or church, she can carry a small worry stone. Rolling bakeable clay into palm-sized balls and smoothing an indentation gives her a tool to focus on during anxious moments. My daughter even crafted her clay into a spiral, which she can trace in her pocket to help her relax.
Sometimes, children may not feel like being creative and might prefer some quiet time. If they’re not in the mood to talk but need to work through their feelings, journaling or using a worry workbook can be beneficial. My daughter chose a journal she loved, decorated it, and made it a personal space for expression, free from judgment.
Providing her with these resources, along with my support and understanding, has made a significant impact. Unlike my own childhood, where my anxious tendencies were dismissed as mere sensitivity, awareness is now growing. According to the CDC, around 4.4 million children suffer from anxiety, and that’s only counting those who are diagnosed.
Since we began implementing these tools and fostering open conversations about mental health, I hear those little footsteps in the hallway less frequently. My daughter knows she can come to me with her worries. While I haven’t perfected parenting an anxious child, I want her experience to differ from mine. I am confident that life with an anxious child can improve, and you are not alone on this journey.
For more insights, check out this post on the importance of mental health in parenting from our other blog. Also, a great resource for pregnancy and home insemination can be found here.
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Summary:
Navigating my daughter’s sudden anxiety linked to PANDAS has been a challenging journey. Through open conversations about mental health, creative tools like glitter jars and worry stones, and a strong support system, we are learning to manage her anxiety together. While I grappled with feelings of inadequacy as a parent, it’s essential to provide a nurturing environment where she can express herself freely. The aim is to foster resilience and understanding, ensuring her experience is vastly different from my own.