Recently, while I was refreshing my nail polish, my curious 3-year-old son approached me, expressing interest in the vibrant color I was using. Without hesitation, I agreed to paint his nails, as I view nail polish as a fun way to express oneself, devoid of any gender-specific implications. Children often imitate adults, and this behavior is a natural part of their development.
I shared a heartwarming photo of my son flaunting his bright blue nails with family and friends, receiving an abundance of likes and comments from other parents who had similar experiences. However, my sister-in-law mentioned that her husband becomes quite upset when she paints their 2-year-old son’s nails. This revelation caught me off guard, particularly as I had always regarded my brother as a progressive individual. I decided to send him the same photo via text, and his response was filled with concern that allowing my son to engage in traditionally feminine activities might lead to confusion in his identity later in life.
Our ensuing conversation revealed our contrasting perspectives on societal gender norms and their influence on parenting. My brother holds the view that gender roles are fixed, while I argue that these norms are subjective and continually evolving. Societal expectations of gender have changed significantly over the past century, and I believe that enforcing rigid standards on children who are unaware of them is unnecessary, considering that norms may shift again by the time they reach adulthood.
We discussed Caitlin Jenner’s reflections on her childhood, wherein she experienced confusion stemming from her sisters dressing her in their clothes. My brother fears that allowing my son to indulge in activities like nail painting could create similar confusion. While I cannot speak to Caitlin’s experience personally, I suspect that any potential confusion regarding identity would have arisen regardless, with dress-up sessions merely serving as a catalyst.
I noted that even today, many heterosexual men choose to wear nail polish, yet my brother remains unconvinced. He believes there’s a crucial distinction between an adult consciously defying gender expectations and a child who lacks an understanding of those norms.
As an early childhood educator, I assert that children naturally emulate the adults around them without a concern for gender appropriateness. As they mature, they independently discern which activities resonate with their identities. The educational community widely acknowledges that engaging in specific colors or games does not impact a child’s sexual orientation or gender identity.
While I do worry about my son facing confusion later in life, my concerns lie not with his gender identity but with the negative reactions he might encounter from others for simply enjoying activities that are perceived as outside traditional norms. Children should be free to express themselves without limitations. Although I may instinctively lean toward gender-specific toys for my son and daughter, I will never discourage either of them from pursuing interests solely based on societal expectations.
Interestingly, there has been substantial progress in encouraging girls to engage in activities traditionally associated with boys. However, boys face significant stigma when they express interest in what are labeled “girl” activities. My own father, who wished for me to play sports, was concerned when I bought my son a baby doll. This inconsistency in parental expectations warrants reflection.
I urge fellow parents and caregivers to examine whether gender-specific toys, clothing, activities, and traits should be confined to one half of the population. Challenging these norms is essential for societal progress.
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In summary, exploring my son’s interest in nail polish opened a dialogue about gender norms and their implications in parenting. While societal expectations continue to evolve, an open-minded approach can foster a more accepting environment for children to express themselves freely.