Parenting Insights: Lessons from Teenagers
Dear Teen Girls at the Pool,
This isn’t your typical letter from an adult. I won’t be dishing out advice about your outfits, social media habits, or how to act around boys. I get it—those letters can be tedious, and I’m just as tired of them as you are.
We crossed paths at the public pool last week. I use the term “crossed paths” loosely; we didn’t exchange names. I had promised my older son a daring act if he pulled off his master cannonball. “Just jump off the high dive, Mom, and I’ll show you my best move!” he challenged me. I thought, “How hard could it be?”
But when I climbed those stairs and peered over the edge, I realized the truth—the high dive is, well, HIGH! Doubts flooded my mind, but I lined up behind you anyway.
The last time I took a leap from a high dive, I was just a few years older than you, but boy, has a lot changed in 20 years. The board seemed to rise higher, the plunge felt scarier, and the idea of a wardrobe malfunction or an embarrassing belly flop became very real.
“I always need a few tries before I jump,” one of you confided, pacing the board and then retreating. Back and forth you went, until finally, you took the plunge. A moment later, you were back in line with your friend, ready for more.
It was my turn soon after. I watched a few younger kids take the leap, while I hesitated and stepped off the board multiple times. They told me how thrilling it was and how it didn’t hurt, and I admired how you cheered each other on.
Eventually, I stood on the edge of the board, peering down again and feeling paralyzed. For 20 minutes, I watched you both and the other kids dive in. I tried to rally my courage with thoughts of past achievements. I reminded myself that I’ve tackled challenging things before. I wanted to show my kids the importance of bravery, of taking chances.
Each time I attempted to jump, you offered words of encouragement. “It’s okay; I get scared too. But it’s fun after you jump,” one of you said. “Just look at the trees instead of down,” your friend advised. “It’s like flying,” you added, referencing the song playing overhead, “Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty, which made us all laugh.
I stepped onto the board, walked halfway out, and then hesitated again. I followed your advice but couldn’t resist looking down again, retreating yet again.
“Not today, kids,” I told the younger ones waiting for their turn. “Maybe next time.”
But then one of you caught my gaze and gently insisted, “You’ll regret not jumping today.”
“I know,” I replied softly. “You’re right.”
When my turn came again, I walked to the end of the board, focused on the trees, and finally leaped. I heard your cheers before I hit the water.
“Good job!” you both shouted from above. “Thank you!” I called back, filled with gratitude.
Moments later, as you walked past me, I shouted out, “Thank you, girls!” but you were lost in laughter, oblivious to my words. I searched for you among the crowd, but you were too old to need your parents at the pool, and soon my sons wanted snacks, and before long, it was time to leave.
As I made my way to the snack counter, a friend joked that I should write about my high dive experience. I chuckled, and as I reflected, I thought of you two.
Sure, I could discuss the value of tackling difficult challenges or how vital it is for our kids to see that we too experience fear. I’ve written on those topics before and will continue to do so—they are important. But what I really want to highlight is the wisdom of two remarkable teenage girls.
There’s a lot of discourse about young girls these days. Discussions about their clothing choices, the way they express themselves on social media, and even the so-called over-sexualization that some perceive. We, as parents, aim to instill strength, confidence, and self-respect in you. We teach you to value yourselves, to be brave, and to embrace your worth.
Yet, in this journey, we often overlook how much you teach us in return. You remind us of the essence of bravery, of taking risks, and the importance of jumping in. You encourage us to look beyond our fears and embrace the thrill of the moment. You show us that mistakes are part of life, teaching us about forgiveness and resilience.
While we strive to guide you through life, we sometimes forget that we’re learning just as much from you. We’re all on this journey together, growing and evolving alongside one another.
So, continue to take those leaps. Keep embracing life as you learn and grow, for we are right there with you.