Parenting Insights
Updated: September 28, 2020
Originally Published: June 10, 2018
My son, Leo, has an immense admiration for his older sister, Mia. He constantly seeks her approval, glancing at her for validation whenever he does something amusing, and he rushes to her side when she’s upset, eager to ensure she’s alright. In moments of fear or uncertainty, he turns to her for comfort and reassurance, showing just how much he cherishes their bond.
This sibling dynamic played a pivotal role during our recent family trip to Disney World. My sister suggested, “Don’t forget to bring the costumes! Mia will want to wear hers when she sees other kids dressed up to meet the characters.” Our day was packed: breakfast with Cinderella at the castle followed by a meet-and-greet with Mickey Mouse.
When Mia excitedly reached for her Cinderella dress, Leo immediately expressed his desire to don the Alice in Wonderland dress, bursting with enthusiasm.
And let me tell you, nothing could stop a determined two-year-old boy from wearing a dress to meet Cinderella.
With a face full of joy and determination, Leo brought me the dress and waited patiently for my help. And I gladly assisted him. To me, it was clear: he was simply playing, filled with happiness in a safe environment. I had no reservations about his outfit choice.
While some may hold strong opinions on how children should dress, I believe those opinions reflect more about the individual than the child. I had no intention of suppressing Leo’s joy in the happiest place on earth simply to cater to others’ perceptions.
As a parent, I’ve learned to cherish these fleeting moments because they are gone in the blink of an eye. I refuse to waste time making my kids feel bad about what brings them happiness.
Speaking of happiness, Leo and Mia love playing together, whether it’s with trucks, dolls, or anything in between. I wholeheartedly encourage my son to engage with dolls; it fosters sensitivity, nurturing behavior, and emotional expression—qualities that define a strong individual. Above all, I want them to know they are unconditionally loved.
This also ties back to Mia, who is astute and observant, absorbing everything around her. She’s a natural leader, unafraid to take charge. However, as girls grow, societal pressures often dull their confidence, like rocks worn smooth by the ocean.
Mia will likely be praised for engaging in activities typically associated with boys, such as playing with trucks or excelling in subjects deemed masculine. Yet, she may notice that when Leo enjoys something considered “girly,” he might face ridicule or discouragement. This can lead to her second-guessing her self-worth, as these societal messages often do.
I vividly remember a male colleague’s comment when I was pregnant with Mia: “Looks like Greg couldn’t put the stem on the apple.” There were countless remarks suggesting we should “try for a boy next time.” Over time, Mia may realize that her value increases when she acts “like a boy,” while Leo’s diminishes when he engages in “feminine” activities. Even well-meaning friends or family might redirect his attention if they see him playing with a doll.
I’m grateful that attitudes are shifting, with society beginning to embrace both men and women for their authentic selves, rather than outdated notions of gender roles. However, the remnants of these stereotypes still exist, and kids absorb them like sponges. While I can’t control the world outside our home, I can ensure that they never receive those messages from us, actively building them up every chance I get.
So, Leo wore the dress. My husband, Mark, might have needed an extra mimosa that morning, but he supported our son completely. Leo was so thrilled that while we waited to meet Mickey, he was flipping over the velvet rope, dress billowing around him—an unmistakable sign that he’ll always be his own person.
As we approached Mickey, the attendant complimented Leo, saying, “He’s awesome!” We entered the room to meet the beloved character, but something even more enchanting awaited us.
After our encounter with Mickey, we were ushered through the gift shop, where I told the kids they could each choose a stuffed animal. To our surprise, the attendant informed us that our selections were complimentary. “Is there anything else you’d like to do?” he asked. Stunned, we exchanged glances until he added, “Have you met Tinkerbell?” He then led us straight to her, bypassing the line.
Later that evening, we pondered the special treatment we received. Was it Leo’s exuberance in the dress that granted us this VIP status? It seems that sometimes, as many women know, the right dress can indeed open doors to exclusive experiences.
Disclaimer: This article reflects our family’s personal experience and is not affiliated with Disney. Throughout our trip, we were impressed with how Disney genuinely embraces everyone, embodying their motto: “The Happiest Place On Earth.”
Bonus Family Fact: Ironically, my mother-in-law used to dress my husband, Mark, as a girl for Halloween every year. Being a twin, and having one older brother, she hoped one of her twins would be a girl. When Mike was born first, she eagerly awaited the second with dreams of pink and frills—only for Mark to arrive. Spoiler alert: she loved him just the same. The ongoing joke is that she dressed him as a girl all those years because she believed he would be one.
In conclusion, let children express themselves freely, and support their joy—wherever it may lead them.