Updated: June 3, 2023
Originally Published: June 14, 2021
During the last school break, I found myself at home, and on that very first Monday, I was surprised to see six kids racing through my living room. Just to clarify, I only have two children of my own.
Assessing the situation, I realized there was only one reasonable response: Bake cookies. And so, I did just that, which led to a steady stream of kids visiting throughout the week.
In many ways, my home mirrors the one I grew up in, though back then, the influx of friends didn’t truly begin until we were teenagers. I remember my childhood home being the go-to place for my friends and my siblings. This wasn’t due to a stocked pantry or an overly attentive mom—far from it. My mother juggled a full-time job, classes, and a social life, leaving her little time to fuss over us. However, she was always approachable, allowing a constant flow of friends in and out, whether they were playing video games in the basement with my older brother or settling in at our dining room table for marathon card games that often stretched late into the night.
Our house back then was a whirlwind of activity, and it’s quite similar to what I experience now. With four teenagers in the family during the 1980s, cleanliness was not a priority. My mom would often return home after a long day, surveying the chaos with a sigh, too tired to tackle the mess. Looking back, I completely understand her struggle; it wasn’t until I became an adult myself that I recognized how exhausting it can be to work all day only to return to a home that looks like a tornado hit it.
While I haven’t reached the teenage years yet, I do have two young children whose belongings are perpetually scattered around—Legos, socks (what is it with 7-year-olds and losing socks?), toys, books, and homework seem to multiply overnight. Each evening, we spend a good ten minutes hunting for the TV remote, which is usually buried under a mountain of misplaced items on the couch.
However, my home isn’t just filled with clutter; it’s brimming with life. It took me a while to recognize that I was following in my mother’s footsteps, continuing a family tradition of being the hangout spot.
My mom was astute in allowing all those teens to gather at our home. Even during our rebellious phases, she knew we were safe and sound under her roof. She was familiar with our friends, many of whom affectionately called her by her first name—something I have embraced. They found her easygoing and approachable, and she never shied away from discussing topics that other parents deemed off-limits.
Reflecting on those days, there are certainly things I would approach differently. My dad, during his second go at parenting, pointed out the distinction between allowing your child to have a drink at 18 and permitting other kids to do the same; ultimately, those choices lie with their own parents. I can appreciate that perspective now, although at the time, I relished my mom’s relaxed rules.
While we won’t be allowing underage drinking in our home, we still maintain a fairly laid-back atmosphere. When the kids are here, they dash in and out of the backyard, filling water guns or gearing up with Nerf darts. They’re boisterous, call us by our first names, and frequently pop their heads in to say hello, which I take as a compliment rather than mere politeness. One day, a friend of my son, Jake, showed up unannounced. “Is Jake around?” he asked. When I replied that he would be back shortly, he said, “Oh, can I just hang out with you?” Who could possibly turn that down?
So, it looks like our home will continue to be the go-to spot for kids. It’s tiring and contributes to the chaos, and the oatmeal cookies I baked on Tuesday were devoured by Wednesday afternoon, leaving me too busy to whip up a new batch today. But we know where our children are, we know their friends, and I can only hope that as they grow into teenagers, they’ll still want to come around and spend time with us.
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In summary, fostering an open and welcoming home for children not only allows parents to stay connected with their kids but also builds lasting relationships with their friends. Embracing the chaos can lead to cherished memories and a nurturing environment for growth.