It’s official: my nine-year-old son, Liam, is autistic. Over the course of two months, I found myself grappling with the weight of those three simple words: “Liam has autism.”
“Hello, Ms. Carter,” the school psychologist’s voice came through the phone one day last October. “Could you come in this week to discuss Liam’s IEP results?” Liam had been on an IEP since he started public school, but our move to Nevada required a comprehensive reevaluation and new assessments.
Sure, no problem. I was eager to chat about Liam. He had been thriving in third grade, excelling in reading and writing. Out of all my children, Liam had adapted the best to our transition from Germany to Las Vegas.
Expecting a routine meeting, I settled into my chair across from the school psychologist, feeling optimistic. My husband was on temporary duty far away, but I was managing just fine.
“Isn’t Liam doing wonderfully?” I asked, beaming.
“Yes, he is an impressive child,” the psychologist replied, “but I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing his IEP and speaking with his teachers.”
“Absolutely! They send home such positive notes, and he is really thriving,” I said, unaware of what was coming.
“Yes, um… his assessments in Germany were thorough, but…” she hesitated.
I still didn’t catch on.
“After discussing with his teachers and speech therapist, we believe Liam may be autistic.”
Silence fell.
“What?” I stammered, feeling as though I had been blindsided.
“We need to conduct a few more assessments, with your consent, of course.”
“Wait, I’m not following you,” I said, battling the urge to storm out. “We’ve had him tested multiple times since he was five by specialists—are you telling me they all missed this?”
She explained that while he had been tested for autism before, many symptoms often don’t fully manifest until children are older, around 8 or 9. For instance, a six-year-old might not understand the phrase “it’s raining cats and dogs,” but by nine, they start picking up on social cues. Liam, however, struggled with these subtleties.
A wave of disbelief washed over me. It felt as if I was hearing that my child was fundamentally flawed. All my hopes for him to catch up with his peers were crumbling. It was a humbling moment, one that forced me to confront the protective bubble I had built around my emotions. Was I in denial all along?
Alone, with no family nearby and my husband far away, I felt the weight of this diagnosis pressing down on me. For a fleeting moment, I considered leaving, but instead, I blurted out, “Okay. What do we need to do? If you think it’s possible, let’s proceed with the tests. Can we start now?”
That was the hardest sentence I had ever uttered, and I had to say it quickly before I lost my resolve.
By the time we reached the end of the first assessment—one that required me to confront the small signs I had been overlooking—I knew the truth. I realized that despite Liam being the same boy I had brought into the meeting, I was forever changed.
Sitting in my car afterward, I couldn’t bring myself to leave the parking lot. I called a friend, and she allowed me to cry, really cry, for what felt like an eternity. Just writing this brings a lump to my throat. I think of my beautiful boy who loves to spend time in his terrarium. He is charming, delights in simple pleasures, and is incredibly kind-hearted. And yes, he is autistic.
It didn’t take long for my husband’s positive reaction to the diagnosis, which felt like relief, to resonate with me. You don’t realize how freeing a diagnosis can be until you accept it wholeheartedly. The worries about his obsessions, anxieties, social quirks, and inability to understand teasing faded away. It all made sense.
Understanding that my son is autistic has profoundly changed our lives.
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Summary:
The journey of discovering my son Liam’s autism diagnosis was both a shock and a relief. After years of testing and evaluations that had ruled out autism, a school psychologist finally suggested the possibility. It forced me to confront my protective instincts and accept the reality of my son’s condition. While the initial revelation was difficult, it ultimately provided clarity and understanding that transformed our lives for the better.