Updated: May 13, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 3, 2017
Shopping has been my greatest weakness throughout my adulthood. Back in college, I dedicated countless hours and significant funds to retail therapy. During a particularly challenging junior year, I found myself spending thousands of dollars at retailers like Victoria’s Secret, Lush, and Wet Seal. My collection of lacy underwear and other indulgences grew to the point where laundry became a once-a-month chore. Despite the guilt that accompanied each purchase, it was never enough to deter me. I would glance at my bank statements, but it wasn’t until my card was declined at dinner with my mother that the reality hit me—I was hundreds of dollars overdrawn. I felt utterly humiliated.
In a meeting with the bank manager, we devised a plan: a new credit card with a high limit, linked to my account to prevent future overdrafts. For a few months, I managed to control my spending, but the impulse soon returned with a vengeance. I recognized the error of my ways, yet I found it impossible to stop.
It wasn’t until a few years ago that I discovered the world of online shopping. Initially, I craved the instant gratification that came from physical stores, but I soon found that the online experience offered a different thrill. Although it lacked the immediate satisfaction of leaving a store with a bag, online shopping provided a similar rush. I became more conscious of my purchases, yet my spending habits remained unchanged. I found comfort in buying new clothes, books, and more whenever stress or sadness crept in. The excitement of seeing the UPS or FedEx truck pull up with a package filled me with joy.
The online shopping experience also granted me a sense of control over my impulses. With countless options available, I meticulously sifted through pages to find the perfect item, whether it was a dress or new jeans. Each addition to my cart was a calculated decision, as I weighed colors and compatibility with my existing wardrobe. Watching my cart fill up delivered a thrill akin to pulling items from a shelf. “I’ll wear this all the time!” I would tell myself when adding a cozy gray sweater, only to repeat the sentiment for a similar piece in a different style.
I thrive on variety, often visualizing how shoes from my closet would pair with the dresses I came across online. This became a compulsive habit, especially since I detest paying for shipping. Even a slight increase in the total amount made me feel at ease. At one point, I had my debit card number committed to memory from using it so frequently (I know!).
My online shopping passion extends beyond clothing; I also indulge in music and books. As a lifelong music enthusiast, I turned to Amazon to fill the gaps in my collection left by the decline of local music stores. I was able to find rare CDs from international artists and all the albums by British pop groups I adored but couldn’t locate in the U.S. Logging into my iTunes account became a risky venture; I found myself purchasing everything that caught my eye. The same applied to books—I could now buy as many as I wished, free from the burden of carrying them home. My doorstep regularly welcomed Amazon boxes brimming with new reads.
However, nothing ignites my excitement like a sale. The thrill I experience when my favorite stores announce discounts is indescribable. I signed up for numerous flash sale websites to satisfy my expensive taste without breaking the bank, often scoring coveted designer items at steep markdowns. I still treasure a pair of cowboy boots that I bought at 40% off. Eventually, I realized I had to unsubscribe from many store emails to regain control, but I still keep a few for my personal and my son’s shopping needs. When shopping for him, I enter a bit of a trance, filling my cart with stylish shirts and pants. He’s truly one of the best-dressed toddlers around, but I often struggle to find space for all his new clothes. Missing out on a good coupon pains me.
While I’ve learned to manage my shopping urges to some extent, I still derive immense pleasure from it—something hard to replicate elsewhere. I love the quiet moments late at night, browsing The Children’s Place or Old Navy in my pajamas. The excitement of finding the ideal shirt for my son or the perfect leggings for myself is unbeatable. I still feel a rush of joy when I receive shipping confirmation emails, and I can’t help but grin when packages arrive at my door. I’ve become adept at waiting for sales, but I doubt I’ll ever completely curb my shopping habits.
With increased financial responsibilities—one being my adorable child who calls me “Mom”—my shopping addiction has almost led to financial strain more than once, and it’s been a source of tension in past relationships. Oops.
I recognize that I’m not alone in admitting shopping is my guilty pleasure. I’ve come to understand that moderation is key, and keeping my budget in mind enhances the experience. Unless, of course, there’s a fantastic sale.
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In summary, online shopping remains an indulgent escape for me, blending excitement with the occasional pang of guilt. I’ve learned to navigate my impulses while still finding joy in the process.