Updated: June 1, 2017
Originally Published: August 18, 2015
If I were to compile a list of activities I find less than enjoyable, kneeling on hard surfaces and engaging with toys that have likely spent too much time in a germ-infested environment would certainly make the cut.
Recently, my lovely daughter with bright, sparkling eyes lit up as she asked, during the sixteenth hour of my wakefulness that day, if I wanted to join her in a hairstyling game while she soaked in the tub. Truthfully, no, I didn’t want to play that game; I was feeling a bit off. Thanks for asking, sweetheart!
The mere thought of lowering my stiff knees to the chilly bathroom floor and running my fingers through Mermaid Barbie’s probably bacteria-laden hair made me want to concoct an excuse to escape. Surely, there were towels to fold or dishes to wash or even my eyeball to poke with a hot poker. But sometimes, you just have to be the adult, regardless of how unmotivated you feel.
I know I let my kids down often—whether it’s kissing them in public or preventing them from tattooing their faces before family gatherings—but I don’t want to be the disappointment all the time. I want them to remember me as more fun than I actually am, smarter than they give me credit for, and genuinely interested in their endless chatter about Minecraft mods or bracelet-braiding techniques, even if it’s mentally taxing.
It dawned on me how impatient I can be with children only after I spent time with my own mom. It wasn’t in a mean-spirited way; it was more of a “your-filter-doesn’t-work-so-well-after-60-years” kind of impatience. As a child, I had no idea she felt that way. I only recall her patiently waiting while I picked out the best books at the library, expertly untangling knots in everything, and smiling through my attempts at baking desserts. She seemed so patient and encouraging, always ready to watch but eager to flit away as soon as I was occupied.
What I didn’t realize was that behind her calm demeanor, she might have been dreaming of escaping to do something she actually enjoyed. From driving me to activities that bored her to tears to ensuring every birthday and holiday came with gifts labeled from my favorite cartoon characters, my mom created a world filled with happy memories that I cherished as much as she did.
Reflecting on this, I looked down at my daughter that night, who was eagerly waiting for my response, clutching two long-haired mermaids amidst a sea of bubbles I had expertly created with my special claw technique. I smiled, pushing aside my impatience, fatigue, and disinterest, and said, “Of course, I’d love to, sweetheart!”
This is why I spent the next thirty minutes ignoring the discomfort in my knees while crafting mohawks, updos, and side ponytails by the tub. It’s also why I took the time to learn how to French braid the tangled hair of an Ariel doll with a fading eye the following morning—to be better prepared for the next time she invites me to our special bath time hairstyling game.
This article was originally published on August 18, 2015.
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In summary, embracing the little moments, even when we’re not in the mood, can create lasting memories for our children. As adults, it’s essential to push through our own discomforts for the sake of joy and connection with our kids.