The experts may tout the natural aspects of breastfeeding, but let’s be honest: stripping down in a chilly office restroom and attaching yourself to a machine that extracts milk like you’re a dairy cow is anything but natural. Pumping is an essential task for mothers who wish to continue breastfeeding after their maternity leave. When you find yourself needing to pump away from home, prepare for some truly awkward moments—especially if you ever want to step out of the house without your baby for more than a few hours (which, believe it or not, most sane adults do).
Here are the top five most memorable places I’ve had to pump:
5. In a Cramped Hotel Bathroom Stall During a Conference
Nothing screams professional quite like trying to undress in a stall the size of a coffin while attending a conference with your company’s most significant clients. It’s an experience that surely enhances your corporate image.
4. In a Swanky Hotel Room During a Company Meeting
Try explaining to a young intern that you need special arrangements for an all-day work event because you’ll be pumping milk. The look of confusion and mild horror on their face is enough to make you want to simply vanish. Bonus points for having to sit on the floor of your reluctantly provided hotel room, as the only electrical outlet is at floor level—thanks to the hotel’s century-old design!
3. In the Lavatory of My Future Home… While It Was Being Inspected
In a haze of new parent sleep deprivation, my partner and I decided to search for our first home. After a brief hunt, we had an accepted offer. On inspection day, my morning pumping time coincided with the appointment, forcing me to excuse myself to the bathroom of our potential new home, which was still occupied by strangers. I’ll never forget overhearing the inspector ask my husband if I was okay, while he desperately tried to offer an explanation that didn’t imply I was suffering from a bathroom emergency.
2. At a Wedding Reception With Only One Bathroom for Everyone
This was one of my most awkward pumping experiences. When my son was just six weeks old, we attended a wedding. It was my first time pumping outside the comfort of home, using a manual hand pump, meaning I could only tackle one side at a time. I considered checking in advance about a space for my electric pump, but time slipped away. Upon arrival, I found there was only one bathroom for all the guests. Talk about a logistical nightmare!
1. During a Prince Concert
I got tickets for my husband to see Prince at a casino when our son was about four months old. Knowing we’d be away for several hours, I needed to pump at least a couple of times. I managed to delay it for the first two hours of the concert, but during the break between sets, I rushed to the bathroom. It was surreal: while the crowd erupted in cheers for the return of The Purple One, I was busy pumping as fast as I could. Just as I switched sides, the iconic opening notes of “Purple Rain” began. Noooo! Thankfully, I made it back to my seat just in time for Prince’s unforgettable guitar solo.
So there you have it. Sometimes you must think outside the box (and endure a bit of embarrassment) to maintain your milk supply. While pumping comes with its own set of challenges, discomforts, and indignities, you’ll walk away with some truly unforgettable stories. If you’re looking for more tips, check out this insightful post on at-home insemination kits.
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In summary, pumping can lead to some of the most unexpected and awkward moments, but these experiences will become cherished memories. Whether you’re navigating the challenges of motherhood or exploring your options for home insemination, creativity and humor can make all the difference.