I’m a wonderfully flawed individual who partnered with another wonderfully flawed person. Together, we have raised three beautifully imperfect kids. My partner, Jake, and I quickly realized we were out of our depth. This revelation hit us seven years ago during our Intro to Parenting class when the instructor asked, “Raise your hand if you’ve never changed a diaper!” and, to our embarrassment, we were the only couple with our hands raised.
Our future child was destined for a rocky start, and we all knew it.
Given our apparent cluelessness, we decided to set realistic expectations for our children. We encourage them to strive for their best and celebrate their achievements, but our priority is to cultivate kindness in them.
I want my kids to be compassionate not only to those who mirror their own experiences but to everyone around them. Yes, this includes individuals of all backgrounds—whether they are Black, Brown, or LGBTQ+, or even those who may seem different, like the punk rock crowd or the elderly churchgoers. It’s essential to us that they learn to extend kindness universally.
Our family motto is simple: PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. BE KIND TO THEM.
The journey of parenting often feels uncertain, and it’s hard to gauge whether your efforts are yielding the desired results. As days turn into weeks, you continue to navigate this path until a moment reveals whether you’ve succeeded or stumbled. Recently, I experienced one of those affirming moments.
My son, Liam, received a text from his teacher, who informed me he was chosen for the “Good Citizenship” award for his kindness and support towards a classmate named Oliver. “Who is Oliver?” I inquired. The teacher explained that Oliver is a boy with autism.
“Liam has shown such patience with him,” she remarked. “He’s truly made a difference.”
Liam had mentioned a funny boy in his class a few times, but I had no idea he was referring to Oliver. We know families with children who have autism, so it seems Liam views his friend through a lens of normalcy, without focusing on any differences.
At breakfast the next day, we prompted Liam about Oliver. “OH!” he exclaimed, “Oliver is my friend. He has a disability, but I know all about those! His disability is that he can’t stop being funny!”
As I turned away, fighting back tears, I heard him say, “His favorite color is rainbow! Isn’t that awesome?!” before he eagerly resumed his breakfast.
A few days later, I stood among other proud parents at the awards ceremony, watching Liam sit quietly. He was unaware that his name would be called or the reason for it. I marveled at how he had grown; a year ago, he would have struggled to sit still.
Later, at his classroom’s end-of-year party, he greeted me with his signature enthusiasm. “HI, MOMMY!” he called, sitting next to a boy I didn’t recognize.
“Hi! Who’s your friend?” I asked.
“Oh! This is Oliver!” he replied.
“Hi, Oliver! I’m Liam’s mom.”
Oliver smiled, and I instantly liked him.
The world doesn’t require more unkind people; it needs individuals who embody kindness. I aspire for my children to be part of that positive change.
This article was originally published on June 9, 2015.
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