As a mother of young children, I often find myself navigating a minefield of negotiations and compromises just to complete everyday errands without a meltdown or an accident. While I miss my kids when I venture out alone, the thought of their chaos doesn’t deter me from stepping out. It’s strange—I don’t miss the noise or the tantrums, but I feel somewhat incomplete without them by my side, perhaps because I’m always on high alert to keep them safe.
For the past six years, my life has revolved around securing car seats and preventing my little ones from darting into traffic. It’s been a whirlwind of diaper changes, potty training, and sleepless nights, where it feels like my children are in a conspiracy to deprive me of rest. Sometimes, I struggle to recall the person I was before motherhood.
When I leave the house without my kids, it’s as if I’m rediscovering my identity. Where should I go? What activities do I genuinely enjoy? What even constitutes “free time” anymore? Choosing music on the radio feels daunting; I find myself questioning my tastes and wondering how I’ve become so out of touch with the latest bands.
Even when I have the chance to pick a meal—one of my favorite pastimes—I find myself hesitating. I no longer indulge in my preferences and instead settle for whatever is convenient. I know I don’t truly crave lukewarm chicken nuggets.
However, after spending some time away from my family, I begin to reconnect with my true self. The woman I was is still in there, buried beneath the responsibilities of motherhood. She knows exactly what she enjoys, like sushi (all of it, please) and still remembers the lyrics to “Shoop.” She loves the thrill of loud music and fast cars with the wind in her hair.
This version of me has evolved. She’s wiser, having learned valuable lessons through trial and error, and she’s not afraid to admit she doesn’t have all the answers. Motherhood has made her tougher and more resilient. She’s brave and unafraid to speak up when necessary. And if anyone dares to threaten her children? They better watch out.
Yet, she’s also more compassionate. Motherhood has infused her with grace and empathy, making her acutely aware of how her words and actions impact others. Kindness is a priority because she wants her kids to embody that quality too.
The journey of motherhood has been humbling—truly humbling. It has pushed her to her limits more times than she can count, but each time she’s emerged like a phoenix, ready to tackle the next challenge.
While I may struggle with decisions about music or where to reclaim my time, the essence of who I am remains intact. This is merely a phase in my life—a season that will eventually pass. Soon enough, my children will grow, and I will have the opportunity to reconnect with my fabulous self.
However, this “me” is not the same as the one I fondly remember; she has been broken down and reconstructed into something far more resilient. I appreciate this new version of myself and wouldn’t change a thing.
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In summary, motherhood reshapes us in profound ways, blending our past selves with newfound strength, compassion, and resilience. We may lose touch with who we once were, but ultimately, we emerge stronger and more capable.