The atmosphere has shifted dramatically. Days are stretching longer, vaccines are rolling out, and stimulus checks are arriving. For the first time in ages, there’s a sense of genuine hope. Friends share how they miss their families, eagerly anticipating the moment they can embrace their parents once more, while children express their longing for grandparents. During the lockdown, many risked their health to be with loved ones, unable to bear the thought of separation. I observe all this like a scene from a film: I comprehend the emotions, yet I do not share them. For some, the pandemic has provided a much-needed excuse to distance themselves from harmful or toxic relationships.
My parents live quite a distance away, and I haven’t seen them since before the quarantine began. Normally, I visit them a few times a year, and through therapy, I’ve learned how to keep these visits civil. However, that doesn’t mean our relationship is warm or enjoyable. I’ve grown accustomed to a cycle of small talk and low expectations, along with boundaries learned from years of experience. This situation maintains peace but is exhausting for me. It forces me to suppress my own needs, making my parents’ demands the focal point of our conversations.
Having only known this kind of interaction with my parents, I assumed this was the norm. Holidays often feel like a guilt-fueled marathon where I channel my anxiety into crafting the perfect meal, distracting myself from how uncomfortable I truly am. But when the CDC advised against indoor gatherings for the holidays, I complied and discovered something surprising: I had the best time! I didn’t realize how draining those visits were until I was no longer compelled to endure them. In this way, my time in quarantine has been a refuge from that emotional storm.
Nevertheless, I recognize that the lockdown has been far more challenging for many, particularly those trapped with their abusers. Reports of domestic violence and sexual assault surged by up to 30% worldwide. The National Institute of Health has noted that “quarantine conditions are linked to alcohol abuse, depression, and post-traumatic stress symptoms,” alongside the economic hardships resulting from prolonged shutdowns, which have created a perfect storm for abuse in many households.
I am relieved that my parents are safe and have not contracted COVID-19 this year. Despite my challenging childhood, I do not wish them any harm. It wasn’t until this past year, when I found I didn’t miss them, that I began to dread the idea of seeing them again. They are vaccinated now, and soon we will all be, so I’m preparing myself for our reunion this summer and those familiar visits and holidays.
I will genuinely celebrate with others as they reunite with their families in the coming months after getting vaccinated. I’m excited to hug my friends again. However, I don’t share those feelings regarding my parents, and that’s perfectly okay.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please reach out to the National Domestic Hotline. You can also explore related topics at this link.
Summary:
The article reflects on the author’s experience during the pandemic, contrasting their feelings about family interactions with the general sentiment of longing for family reunions. It highlights the relief the author feels from not engaging in the draining family visits that typically accompany holidays and the complexities of familial relationships. The piece also acknowledges the darker reality for those suffering from abuse during the lockdown, emphasizing the importance of support and resources.