My partner and I were sitting in our living room, struggling to remember the last time we truly enjoyed a date together. The clock had just ticked past 10 p.m., and our three kids were finally asleep. It seems like the only moments we can talk without interruptions from snack requests, homework grievances, or sibling disputes occur late at night.
I was slumped on the couch, fighting sleep after a long day, while Sarah had her laptop open, engrossed in spreadsheets. The house was in disarray, and with less than seven hours until we had to start a new day, the urge to collapse into bed was strong. But we needed this time together.
Despite living under the same roof and sharing responsibilities, it felt like days had passed since we last had a meaningful conversation.
“Was it last month?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I replied, “I think we caught that new superhero movie.” I hesitated. “No, that’s not right. That movie left theaters ages ago. Has it really been that long?”
We paused to contemplate. Then Sarah asked, “What happened to us?”
I had no response.
We used to prioritize monthly outings, but since she took on a job, that tradition faded. Both of us work in education, filling our evenings with bedtime routines, grading papers, and various school projects. Our weekends are consumed by soccer practice and more grading. With a lively toddler and two older kids who aren’t quite ready to babysit, our time together often comes in shifts—one of us watching the kids while the other tackles tasks.
While it’s great that we cover for each other, it often feels like we’ve become co-workers rather than partners, only exchanging notes on household tasks at shift changes instead of nurturing our relationship.
This is the reality of marriage with young children. The endless needs around us often push our relationship to the back burner, making it essential to carve out time for each other. We set goals to go out regularly, but those plans often fall through. Instead, we settle for watching some Netflix show together, squeezing in snuggles on the couch.
Then, life throws a curveball. One child decides they’re done sleeping before 10 p.m., or one of us takes on a school volunteer role, and suddenly our limited downtime vanishes. We commit to these changes being temporary, but then more obstacles arise, and before we know it, we’re sitting on the couch, struggling to recall the last time we truly connected.
Making time for our marriage feels like balancing a tub of water over our heads—it’s precarious and requires constant adjustments to avoid spilling over. While it’s often said that marriage requires ongoing maintenance, few share what that actually looks like.
After nearly 13 years of marriage, I’ve learned that it’s about staying up past bedtime to watch a show despite the exhaustion. It’s about hiring a babysitter for a night out, even when time and finances are tight. It’s about taking a moment during the workday to listen to your partner vent about their frustrations, knowing you won’t have time to discuss it later.
It’s about making time for each other now, amidst the chaos of daily life.
“You know,” Sarah mused, “one day our lives will slow down, and it’ll just be us.”
I nodded, “Yes, but after 18 years of putting ‘us’ on hold, will there still be an ‘us’ left?”
Sarah didn’t answer, but we both understood. We’ve been married long enough to recognize the risks of neglecting our relationship for too long. Neither of us wants that.
I pointed to her computer. “Open Facebook,” I suggested.
“Why?” she asked, puzzled.
“Let’s find a babysitter for Saturday night,” I replied.
“But it’s family movie night,” she countered.
“That can wait,” I insisted. “It’s time for a date night.”
We spent the next few minutes messaging every babysitter we knew, discussing our plans, and counting down the days until our much-needed outing.
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In summary, prioritizing your marriage amidst the overwhelming demands of family life is crucial. It may require late nights, budget adjustments, and occasional sacrifices, but the reward is a stronger, more connected partnership.