When I was just 15, I faced the loss of my grandfather to cancer. In those dark days, friends and family rallied around us, bringing casseroles, pies, and comforting meals. We received warm cookies left at our doorstep and countless supportive visits filled with talks and coffee. It was a time when my mother needed that community support the most; she could grieve without the burden of daily meals. Those moments showed me the strength of togetherness during hardship.
Years later, I found myself doing the same for friends battling their own tragedies—food was delivered to a friend diagnosed with breast cancer, and another received meals during a family loss. We instinctively provide comfort food to those in pain, and it feels beautiful to support one another.
But what happens when your child is grappling with addiction?
Opioid addiction, classified as a chronic brain disease, is characterized by compulsive behaviors and continues despite negative consequences. Despite this being recognized as a serious medical condition, society still carries a heavy stigma around addiction. It becomes a subject of hushed conversations and whispered judgments. Families often suffer in silence, afraid to speak out due to this societal taboo.
I vividly recall my daughter, Lily, leaving for treatment in California just before Labor Day weekend. Our family traditionally gathers for those annual Turtle Races, and I felt the weight of her absence. How could I explain to relatives why she wasn’t there? I feared their judgment and the uncomfortable questions that would inevitably arise. More importantly, I wanted to protect Lily’s dignity. What if she emerged from treatment successfully? My anxiety paralyzed me.
John and I felt utterly isolated. The enormity of our situation was suffocating. I struggled with the simple tasks of daily life; even getting out of bed felt like a monumental effort. My time was consumed with endless phone calls to insurance companies and sleepless nights filled with worry over Lily’s safety. Each time the phone rang or a siren blared, my heart raced with dread.
At 19, Lily entered her first treatment facility, and my world crumbled. I found it hard to breathe as I drove home, tears blurring my vision. When I finally got home, I collapsed into bed, overwhelmed and exhausted from the previous days of pleading with her to seek help.
No casseroles arrived.
The following year, she was admitted to a psychiatric unit and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I spent countless hours in the hospital, surviving on vending machine snacks while my family at home made do with peanut butter and jelly.
No foil-covered lasagnas were left on our porch.
For seven long years, we battled to save Lily, extinguishing one crisis after another. We traveled across the country, searching for the best facilities and doctors, arming ourselves with knowledge. Some types of pain can remain hidden, such as mental illness, addiction, or even the grief from miscarriage and infertility. The need for support and the warmth of a home-cooked meal aren’t always apparent.
This isn’t a criticism of my loved ones; they simply were unaware of the turmoil we faced. I didn’t communicate our struggles because I was scared. However, I was truly blessed to eventually find a strong support network once I opened up.
Different crises and forms of grief can be challenging for others to comprehend, often resulting in discomfort. If you know someone enduring such a struggle, a simple gesture like dropping off cookies or offering a cup of coffee could mean the world. We all long for love and acceptance, especially during difficult times.
If you or someone close to you is dealing with addiction, numerous resources are available to provide support. For those interested in other aspects of family building, check out our blog on home insemination kits, an excellent resource for those considering this route. You can also find valuable information on reproductive justice at another great resource.
In summary, the stigma surrounding addiction often leaves families feeling isolated and unsupported. While traditional gestures of sympathy like bringing meals may not happen in these cases, reaching out in small ways can provide immense comfort. Everyone deserves love and understanding, regardless of their struggles.