My son has a passion for vehicles—cars, trucks, anything that zooms along the ground. He’s energetic, loud, and boisterous, and wherever we go, I often hear approving remarks like, “He’s such a boy!” These comments, sometimes accompanied by an eye roll, are intended to affirm his behavior.
However, my son also cherishes dolls, princess costumes, and sparkly wands. When given a choice, he instinctively reaches for pink and purple crayons. Yet, it seems no one notices these interests. If they do acknowledge them, it’s often in jest, suggesting he’s merely imitating his older sister.
At just 2 ½ years old, he remains blissfully unaware of the societal expectations that dictate that certain toys and colors are “for girls.” As he grows, I fear he might feel pressured to abandon his love for pink pants and princesses. While he might continue to enjoy playing dress-up at home, I doubt he’ll be brave enough to take his dolls to daycare.
He embodies enough “boyish” traits—his speed, noise level, and love for trucks—that I suspect letting go of his “girl” toys won’t be too challenging for him. But this reality breaks my heart. What truly pains me is the consistent reinforcement of his “masculine” identity by well-intentioned strangers and even liberal friends, with little mention of his fondness for pink. Yes, he delights in receiving gifts themed around trucks and trains, yet during our last visit to the doctor, he chose a princess sticker over a car sticker. When given the option between pink and blue cups, he confidently selected the pink one.
Because my son appears so “boyish,” many assume that I intentionally dress him in purple pants and pink shoes as an act of defiance. They might picture me as a radical feminist mother who refuses to accept her son’s masculinity. The truth is, my son loves both trains and princesses. He intentionally paired his truck shirt with butterfly leggings. He’s not “just a boy”; he’s a child exploring a range of interests that haven’t yet been confined by cultural norms, and I wish more people would recognize and celebrate his entire self.
Does This Really Matter?
You might wonder, “Does this really matter?” If my son loves trucks and runs energetically on the playground, surely he’ll be fine. He can relinquish some of his preferences without losing his identity.
But my concern extends beyond my son. Each “such a boy” remark resonates with me, highlighting the impact of gender stereotypes on all children. Many children cannot easily conceal the parts of themselves that don’t align with societal approval. The same culture that celebrates my son’s affinity for trucks often marginalizes and isolates transgender and gender-non-conforming children.
When a story about a German father, who wears skirts and nail polish in solidarity with his gender-non-conforming son, went viral, my social media was flooded with comments praising him as the “Best Dad Ever.” Yet, these are the same individuals who often express a desire to have daughters to indulge in frilly dresses or who make remarks about “boys and their trucks” when my son runs toward a tractor at the playground.
While many progressive individuals assert they would support their children if they identified as transgender and would use their preferred pronouns, this stance is not enough. Supporting gender expression for children, particularly those who are transgender, cannot coexist with a rigid belief that all children fit neatly into the binary of “girls” and “boys.” The messages we convey about gender in front of children are crucial. When they hear adults say that girls like jewelry and boys prefer soccer, they learn to categorize themselves and others, leading to the notion that boys who wear jewelry or girls who play soccer are different or wrong. Then we wonder why we need to teach them not to bully those who don’t conform.
So, please do compliment my son on his truck shirt, but I ask you to recognize his butterfly leggings too. It truly makes a difference.
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Summary
The article discusses the author’s experiences with her son who enjoys both traditional “boy” toys like trucks and “girl” toys like dolls. It highlights the societal pressure to conform to gender norms and the importance of embracing a child’s diverse interests. The author urges others to recognize and celebrate all aspects of a child’s identity, emphasizing that children should not be pigeonholed into strict gender roles.