“How much longer will she be doing that?” a woman queried about my 2-year-old who was still breastfeeding. “Isn’t she a bit too old for that?”
Nope, but I appreciate your concern.
“She still isn’t potty trained?” someone remarked regarding my newly turned 3-year-old. “Isn’t it time for her to be out of diapers?”
No, but thanks for your input.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve encountered individuals questioning whether a child is too old to engage in various activities—whether it’s drinking from a bottle, using a pacifier, riding in a stroller, or enjoying those fun car carts at the grocery store. Even elementary school kids who sleep with a favorite blanket face judgment. Strangers often shake their heads at the 3-year-old still in diapers. Each Halloween, there are grumpy adults who complain about teenagers trick-or-treating, even when they’re decked out in costumes.
Did I somehow miss the memo that there are specific age limits for everything?
We seem to operate under the peculiar belief that as children grow, there are arbitrary cut-off ages for certain behaviors. We fret that extending certain actions will hinder our kids’ development, or we feel that parents are somehow failing if their children engage in activities that fall outside of what we deem “normal.”
Sure, a small number of parents may hold their kids back for questionable psychological reasons. And yes, some habits may need to be curtailed within a reasonable timeframe. The key point is: those limits aren’t for random people or nosy neighbors to dictate.
There’s a lot we don’t know from our vantage point. The teenager who can’t sleep without her stuffed animal? Perhaps she deals with severe anxiety. The older child riding in a shopping cart might just appear older than he really is. The tween who still believes in Santa Claus? Maybe she just has a deep love for fantasy. The 8-year-old who prefers to sleep in her parents’ room might come from a culture where that’s entirely normal.
Sometimes it boils down to differing priorities and perspectives. My youngest is now 7, and I can hardly carry him anymore, so I seldom do. However, I carried all three of my children when they needed it until it became physically impossible for me. Some might see that as coddling, but I view it as compassion. I would do the same for my husband or my mother if they needed it. My older children, aged 16 and 12, have no issue walking on their own, so it’s not as if my carrying them hindered their growth.
None of us possess the authority to judge what is best for another child or family. When I observe a child who seems too old for a certain activity, I remind myself that others have likely thought similar things about my own children without knowing the whole story. Each family, parent, and child is unique, and unless there’s a significant health or safety concern, it’s not my place to express an opinion on their choices. And it is definitely not my role to voice those opinions uninvited.
If you see a child who appears too old to be doing something, consider a few questions. Is that child genuinely being harmed? Are there aspects of this child or family that I might be unaware of? Is this really any of my business? Why does it even bother me?
Children learn and develop at vastly different paces, and they eventually outgrow most behaviors. Unless you’re a qualified psychologist with a deep understanding of a child’s circumstances, there’s no valid reason to judge whether a child is too old for anything.
Focus on your own family and let others navigate their journeys at their own speed. For more insights on parenting and fertility, you might want to check out some of our other articles, including resources on boosting fertility supplements found at Make a Mom. Additionally, if you’re interested in expert advice on insemination, Harley Street is a great resource. And for comprehensive information about pregnancy, visit the World Health Organization.
In summary, it’s crucial to respect each family’s unique choices without judgment. Every child develops at their own pace, and what may seem unusual to one person could be perfectly normal for another.