We all have that one friend for whom we feel compelled to make excuses. You know the type: “He’s usually better than this,” or “You’ll understand him once you get to know him,” or “His humor is just a bit offbeat.” Over time, those justifications can become overwhelming, and it might be time for that friend to own up to their behavior. Lately, I’ve found myself feeling this way about my son.
I won’t pretend—sometimes he can be downright challenging to be around. His mood swings come and go, and while he often radiates joy, the last few months have been particularly difficult. Initially, when we went out and he started acting up, I’d feel the need to explain away his behavior: “He missed his nap.” “He’s teething.” “He’s a bit hungry.” “He’s sensitive to bright lights.” “We fed him too late. Our bad.”
But now, I’m ready to stop shielding him from the consequences of his actions. Sure, you can’t really hold a 2-year-old accountable in the way adults are, but it’s time to stop making excuses. After months of navigating the tumultuous waters of his “terrible twos,” I’m done accepting blame for his misbehavior. Sorry, buddy, but sometimes it’s on you.
Just yesterday, I was at a bar with a few friends when my wife joined us with our son in tow. He hadn’t met everyone at the table, but he typically warms up quickly. However, he’s clearly taking full advantage of this “terrible” phase. After burying his face in Mom’s shoulder for a few minutes, he started wailing anytime someone looked his way. As a seasoned veteran of these meltdowns, I’ve finally stopped sugarcoating his outbursts. Instead of giving a half-hearted explanation, I simply said, “Don’t mind him; screaming is just his default mode now. It’s nothing personal; he’s just being a brat.”
I’m finished trying to protect my son from himself. Now that he’s nearing three, it’s time for him to take ownership of his behavior. Not every action he takes is a result of something his parents have done. He’s a little individual making his own choices, and right now, he’s opting to be a major nuisance, and I’m letting him face the music. “Sure, I’m his dad, but he’s his own person. He threw that menu at you, so take it out on him, not me.”
Adopting this mindset has been surprisingly liberating. Of course, there’s a fine line between ceasing to make excuses for his behavior and allowing it to run rampant, and I’m not suggesting the latter. We continue to discipline him, and we recognize our role in shaping the person he will become. But the terrible twos are a universal experience for parents, regardless of their parenting style, and we just need to ride it out. As he navigates this phase, we won’t let him off easy. It’s his reputation on the line, and if he keeps this up, he might find himself unwelcome at every local hangout.
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In summary, I’m stepping back from making excuses for my toddler’s behavior. As he grows, it’s essential for him to learn personal accountability. While we still guide him as parents, it’s time for him to understand the impact of his choices.