People often say the oddest things when they learn that I’m raising children without a marriage certificate.
- “Are you planning to get married?”
- “Why haven’t you two tied the knot yet?”
- “Just so you know, if something happens to you in the hospital, he won’t have the right to make decisions for you.”
- “Should something happen to you, he might not be allowed to organize your funeral…”
- “Do you think your kids will be confused about why their parents aren’t married?”
- “Legally, you and your partner are just strangers.”
These questions and comments are far too common, and they come from a place of concern that I didn’t ask for. My partner and I have been together for a decade and have two wonderful children, yet society seems overly invested in our relationship status. It’s baffling how my choice not to marry invites unsolicited legal advice from well-meaning individuals.
I often wonder about those who feel compelled to ask, “Why did you get married?” I know couples who don’t seem to enjoy each other’s company, have conflicting interests, or hold completely different values. When someone tells me, “If you die, he won’t be your next of kin,” I’m left speechless. I’ve somehow managed to get through 40 years of life without questioning the decisions of others in the same way. I’ve never said, “Your spouse isn’t the best. Are you sure everything will be okay for your kids if something happens to you?”
Additionally, is everyone aware that single individuals can create a will and designate power of attorney? They absolutely can! It’s astonishing, isn’t it? You don’t need a marriage certificate for the law to recognize your right to dictate what happens with your belongings and your children after you’re gone. Who knew?
There are numerous legal documents that can address the concerns people raise, but that’s not the crux of the issue. The underlying assumption is that I’m somehow negligent for not marrying, a judgment rarely directed at those who are. I know people who have been married multiple times, yet they don’t face the same barrage of questions I do. It seems that a marriage certificate grants a level of respect that doesn’t always correlate with the quality of the relationship, especially when half of those unions end in divorce.
As for our children being confused, they’re intelligent and adaptable. The world is continuously evolving, and I have no doubt they will understand that marriage is a personal choice, not a requirement.
The person I can rely on for discussions about our family’s future is my sister. She’s the one who would step in to care for my kids if my partner and I were to meet an unfortunate end. Frankly, the intricate details of my married friends’ lives aren’t my concern, just as my family dynamics are no one else’s business.
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In summary, my relationship status does not define my capabilities as a parent or partner. It’s time to move past outdated assumptions and embrace the diverse ways families can be formed today.