When the subject of breastfeeding beyond a year arises, someone often chimes in with the notion that after a certain age, a mother is nursing more for herself than for her child. This usually prompts laughter from mothers who have nursed toddlers or preschoolers.
I breastfed all three of my children until they were just over three years old. Initially, I never intended to nurse for that long; my strategy was simple: I would stop when they were ready. Growing up with a mother who was a La Leche League leader and later became a lactation consultant shaped my perspective. She told me I nursed until I was 2.5 years old, and I witnessed my younger sibling nursing until he was in preschool. Armed with knowledge about natural weaning ages and the World Health Organization’s recommendation to breastfeed for a minimum of two years, extended breastfeeding felt entirely normal.
I didn’t start nursing with a timeline, but I never anticipated nursing a 3-year-old until I experienced it. Breastfeeding a toddler isn’t about starting with a child of that age; it begins with a newborn who gradually grows. Over time, nursing sessions decrease to perhaps just once or twice a day. There’s no specific moment when it becomes uncomfortable—sure, it can be tiring at times, but never truly weird.
I often wonder where the idea that breastfeeding past a year is more for the mother than the child comes from. Many mothers who practice child-led weaning often find themselves wanting to stop before their children do. While I would have been content to stop around age two, my children were very attached to nursing, especially before bedtime. Abruptly weaning them would have been akin to taking away their favorite comfort item, which I didn’t want to subject them to.
In reality, we were gradually weaning. From the moment my children began eating solids, we entered a slow weaning journey, partially guided by them and partially by me. First, I stopped offering and only nursed when they asked. Then I introduced distractions. I started delaying nursing sessions, saying things like, “Not now,” or “We can nurse later.” As I was ready to transition away from nursing, we established rules about when and where we could nurse. These changes unfolded over the span of a couple of years, culminating in only nursing in the morning upon waking. While some children cling to bedtime nursing, my kids preferred morning snuggles.
Throughout this process, I never once thought, “I really want to breastfeed now.” Initially, when I was engorged, I certainly craved relief, but after that, breastfeeding was not about my desires.
Those who assert that mothers who nurse beyond a year do so for their own needs have likely never nursed a toddler. We all understand how demanding toddlers can be; imagine them being that way about breastfeeding. While nursing can be a sweet and bonding experience, the strong will of a toddler is undeniable. I didn’t dislike it, but it wasn’t all blissful for me either. Nevertheless, since research shows no negative impact of nursing past a year, and since breast milk remains nourishing as long as a child continues to nurse, I was happy to allow them to wean at their own pace.
So, no, I didn’t breastfeed my kids past infancy to keep them dependent on me or because I enjoyed it. The suggestion that a mother would engage in such behavior due to her own needs is unsettling and inappropriate. Such statements can border on offensive, implying something distasteful. It’s perplexing why some feel the need to make assumptions about experiences outside their own. I understand that the idea of a toddler or preschooler nursing may seem unusual to those who haven’t experienced it, but unusual does not equate to unhealthy or inappropriate.
I encourage everyone to listen to the countless mothers who have nursed beyond a year and to recognize that this practice is not strange, creepy, or selfish. It is simply a gradual weaning process embraced by billions of women around the world throughout history.
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In summary, my experience with extended breastfeeding was a natural and gradual process that focused on my children’s needs, not my own. There is no inherent wrongdoing in nurturing your child this way, and the conversation around it should be approached with understanding and respect.