I remember feeling utterly overwhelmed while commuting home from work when I was pregnant with my first baby. My partner and I had made the decision for me to stay home with our child, and I couldn’t help but wonder how I would manage household tasks with a newborn in tow. I had no clue how other parents found time to shower or handle bills or even prepare meals.
This was back over eighteen years ago, before the era of social media, when my only source of advice was my mother and her peers, as I was the first in my friend circle to have a baby. My mother reassured me that the baby would sleep most of the day, allowing me plenty of time to get things done. I felt a bit relieved, thinking that without a 50-hour workweek and a commute, I’d manage just fine. After all, my mother had raised three children without issue.
However, our first night home was a complete disaster. We didn’t sleep a wink; our newborn cried incessantly while I struggled through feeding him with sore, cracked nipples. My plans to tidy up the house and unpack before visitors arrived quickly went out the window. I had even promised myself I’d bake cookies or a carrot cake for guests, based on the belief that my baby would follow the same sleep routine he had in the hospital.
But as dawn broke and my baby finally fell asleep, I found myself resenting everyone and wishing for solitude. I didn’t want to greet anyone unless they could magically clean my house or offer me a fortune. Yet, with my child asleep, I pushed myself to tackle the chores, believing it was my duty.
Looking back, it’s been nearly twenty years and I still haven’t fully recovered from that initial stress. I felt exhausted when visitors came to meet our newborn, and I often retreated to my room, feeling depleted by the demands of hosting.
It took me nearly a year to realize that to be healthy and take care of my baby (who still didn’t sleep well at night), I had to abandon the notion that I should use nap times for chores. I was anxious and depressed, plagued by irrational fears about my baby’s safety. I ignored my body’s needs, prioritizing phone calls, cleaning, or baking over rest.
Eventually, I learned that none of those tasks really mattered. What truly mattered was taking care of myself, and often the only time to do this was when my baby was napping. We need to normalize that having a baby is an enormous transition. Women are often celebrated for returning to work or maintaining spotless homes shortly after giving birth, but that shouldn’t be the norm.
As a new mother, your primary focus should be your health and your child’s well-being. Forget about cleaning and don’t feel guilty for choosing relaxation over chores. When your baby sleeps, it’s your chance to recharge—don’t waste it worrying about unfinished tasks.
This period is about establishing a new routine and ensuring you don’t burn out. Household chores and social obligations can wait. The priorities shift dramatically after having a baby, and there’s no reason to feel guilty about needing time for yourself.
When I had my next two children, I adopted a healthier mindset. No visitors were allowed until I felt ready, I took naps when my babies did, and I indulged in some television. This shift made me much happier.
If you find comfort in getting a few chores done while the baby sleeps, that’s great, but don’t pressure yourself to stay on top of everything. Your well-being is what matters most. Remember, in the long run, the dishes can wait, but taking care of you is essential.
For further insights and tips on navigating motherhood and home responsibilities, check out this related post. If you want expert advice on insemination, refer to this resource, and for additional support, visit March of Dimes.
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In summary, new mothers should prioritize their own well-being above all else. The pressure to maintain a perfect household while adjusting to motherhood is unrealistic and detrimental. Self-care and resting when possible are crucial for both you and your baby. Embrace the changes and give yourself grace during this transformative period.