“The days feel endless, but the years fly by.” If you’re a new parent, you’ve likely heard this saying. It’s often paired with the admonition to embrace every moment of your child’s growth. For those of us with rainbow babies—children born after the heartache of miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal loss—the pressure to find joy in each scraped knee or milestone can be overwhelming. I can relate as a proud mom of a rainbow baby.
After enduring five years filled with loss and infertility treatments, I was elated to finally hold my little one. I remember listening to other mothers express their frustrations about parenting while I was trying to conceive, vowing that I would treasure every moment and never complain. I envied those women who were exhausted from late-night feedings or nursing a sick child. I would have given anything to experience that kind of “tired.”
When my daughter, Lily, came into the world, well-meaning friends suggested I take a break and let a babysitter watch her so my husband and I could enjoy some quiet time. I distinctly recall our lunch date when Lily was just six weeks old; I felt a pang of guilt being away from her. What if I missed something? I had fought so hard to bring her into my life that I felt obligated to LOVE EVERY SECOND.
During playgroups, while other moms voiced their struggles, I remained silent. I refused to let a single negative thought slip out. I prepared homemade baby food, attended every mommy-and-me session, and rocked Lily to sleep every night. When asked how motherhood was treating me, I would cheerfully reply, “I LOVE it!”
I left my job to be a stay-at-home mom and promised to relish every moment… until reality hit me like a ton of bricks. When Lily turned two-and-a-half, she had an epic meltdown over not getting a lollipop for breakfast, wanting to wear flip-flops in freezing temperatures, and being upset that I wouldn’t let her touch the alligator at the aquarium. To top it off, I was greeted by the sight of Cheerios strewn across the floor, remnants of a Costco-sized box she somehow got into.
In that chaotic moment, I faced the truth: “I don’t love every minute.” Guilt washed over me, but alongside it, a sense of relief. It was okay to admit that not all aspects of motherhood bring joy. Cleaning up a massive mess of Cheerios is a perfect example of something that doesn’t exactly thrill me. The pressure to be the perfect mom for my rainbow baby had silenced my feelings for too long.
Through conversations with other mothers of rainbow babies, I discovered I wasn’t alone in feeling this unspoken pressure. Recognizing this allowed me to breathe easier. It’s perfectly acceptable for a babysitter to witness a “first.” I would still have my “seconds.” I realized that in my quest to be the ultimate mom, I had neglected my own needs and desires.
After some soul-searching, I made changes that benefited everyone. I now send Lily to school five mornings a week, I started my own business, and I prioritize self-care.
The key takeaway from my experience is that regardless of how your child entered your life—whether through a quick conception, multiple IVF attempts, or adoption—being a new parent is both joyful and challenging. Even if you yearned for this child more than anything else, it’s perfectly okay to not love every moment of every day. Some days are fantastic, while others might be downright tough.
Once I embraced this reality, my life felt more balanced, my relationships with other moms deepened, and my journey through motherhood became even more fulfilling. For more insights on navigating parenthood and the emotional aspects of it, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
To learn more about practical tips for conception, consider reading this related article about home insemination kits.
In summary, it’s essential to acknowledge that motherhood comes with highs and lows. Embracing the complexities of these emotions can lead to a more balanced and enjoyable experience.