Trigger warning: eating disorders, anorexia
At some point around Halloween, I found myself eating just once a day. It seemed simpler that way. A cup of coffee for breakfast, a Red Bull or another coffee by mid-afternoon, and a light dinner. The weight began to drop off rapidly, and I discovered an unsettling enjoyment in shedding the pounds. This marked the beginning of my struggle with anorexia.
For me, this manifested in going days without eating. I learned to conceal how infrequently I consumed food, purposely avoiding situations where I might be expected to eat, such as dining out. I would swap actual meals for coffee. When my partner was away for six days, I managed to eat just three times, feeling a twisted sense of pride in my restraint. It felt more manageable than following a low-carb diet or exhausting myself on an exercise bike. The answer was simple: just don’t eat. And when I did eat, I meticulously chose foods with the fewest calories possible. If anyone questioned my habits, I could simply label it as “intermittent fasting.”
In just six months, I dropped ten sizes.
Initially, I was categorized as obese, but now I fall within the “healthy weight” range. People no longer look at me and see a “recovering anorexic who struggles to eat like a typical person.” Instead, I receive comments like, “Wow, you look fantastic! You’ve lost so much weight! Congratulations!” Their enthusiasm and compliments about my appearance have never been more pronounced.
This is fundamentally problematic. It underscores why commenting on someone’s weight should always be avoided. Unless the individual broaches the subject, it’s simply not your place to comment.
The Implications of Weight Comments
First, such remarks imply that weight loss is inherently positive. They perpetuate the damaging belief that thinner bodies are superior. I bought into this lie, and it’s a significant factor in my decision to stop eating altogether. These comments can harm the self-image of every woman, not just those grappling with disordered eating.
Praising someone for their weight loss suggests that women who shop in plus-size clothing are somehow less attractive, that their bodies are lacking. I certainly believed that about my own body at times.
Receiving congratulations for my weight loss felt gratifying. It validated my starving regimen. Many who experience anorexia or similar behaviors often struggle with body dysmorphia. I genuinely cannot perceive my own appearance accurately. I can’t determine whether I look overweight or underweight. So, when someone tells me I look smaller, it serves as validation. It’s as if they’re saying, “Hey, that not-eating plan you’re on? It’s working. Keep it up.” It becomes a reinforcement of my harmful behaviors.
Deep down, I knew something was amiss. I yearned for someone to notice and say, “Hey, I think there’s an issue here. You might need help.” Instead of concern, I was met with encouragement to continue my destructive pattern. I felt isolated, misunderstood, and invisible.
While I enjoyed the compliments, a part of me wanted to scream, “Do you know the lengths I’ve gone to achieve this size? Would you even care if you knew?” It reinforced the notion that I was only valuable if I was thin.
It also revealed uncomfortable truths about those around me. I realized many of my friends, especially males, don’t genuinely embrace body positivity. They view thinner bodies as more desirable. My partner insists I’m beautiful regardless of my size, but almost every male friend has praised my weight loss. This only heightened my anxiety about gaining weight again. I dread the thought of their unspoken judgments. They may not comment on my weight gain, but I know they will think it. “Look, she’s gotten bigger. She couldn’t maintain her weight. She must have let herself go.” This fear drives me to restrict my food intake even further.
Every “congratulations on your weight loss” doesn’t mean what you might think. It translates to “good job, you look better now,” and reinforces a preference for thinness. It implies, “Keep the weight off, or you’ll be viewed as unattractive again.” It’s a painful reminder of the societal standards surrounding body image and presents a significant hurdle in my journey toward recovery.
Resources for Further Learning
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In summary, it’s imperative to avoid commenting on someone’s weight. Such remarks can have profound effects on individuals struggling with body image and eating disorders, and they perpetuate harmful societal norms about body size and value.