The months leading up to Chloe’s arrival were a whirlwind of emotions. I distinctly remember the moment during our 24-hour induction when our doctor delivered Chloe, inadvertently fracturing her clavicle while hastily freeing her from the umbilical cord that was tightly wrapped around her neck. The delivery room fell silent, and I felt a rush of relief wash over my husband’s face as we finally heard her long-awaited cry.
After a short hospital stay, we returned home, feeling grateful and somewhat unscathed. However, just as we were beginning to adjust to our new life as a family of three, Minnesota issued its first stay-at-home order. We quickly adapted to this new reality, mourning the fact that we couldn’t share our precious Chloe with family and friends. Instead, we became preoccupied with wiping down groceries and took turns worrying about our health symptoms.
Throughout my 16-week maternity leave, I found myself endlessly captivated by Chloe, filled with joy and yet overwhelmed by an equally intense fear of the future. Every day I watched the news, anxiously following updates from Andrew Cuomo on COVID-19, and even tuned in to his brother Chris’s late-night broadcasts during those sleepless feedings. I became engrossed in Minnesota’s daily health briefings, feeling a mix of excitement when case numbers stabilized and frustration when they surged.
I held back tears during a pediatrician appointment in early May when I expressed my concerns about Chloe’s social development, fearing that our isolation had impacted her. My doctor reassured me, saying, “COVID hasn’t broken Chloe,” but I still felt a wave of emotion as I realized we were only at the start of this pandemic journey. I grappled with feelings of guilt for mourning my maternity leave, knowing I was fortunate to have paid time off, yet I couldn’t shake the loneliness and anxiety that accompanied being a new mom in these unprecedented times.
COVID-19 undoubtedly shaped my first year of parenting. However, I’ve slowly come to understand that it’s okay to feel this way. Chloe is healthy, and as my maternity leave comes to an end, I find a newfound sense of calm after navigating challenges I never expected. Friends and family may not have been able to embrace her with hugs or hold her closely, but they love her just as they love me, and that’s what truly matters.
Our path to Chloe was filled with uncertainty, but I continue to appreciate the struggles we faced during our infertility journey, as we always felt surrounded by love and support. I like to think that our first year of parenthood mirrored that experience—filled with unique challenges, pain, and an abundance of love and hope.
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Summary:
The experience of becoming a new parent during a pandemic is filled with both joy and uncertainty. As I navigated the challenges of motherhood while coping with COVID-19, I learned to appreciate the love and support that surrounded us. Despite the hurdles, our journey has been one of hope, and I continue to find solace in knowing that my child is healthy and cherished.