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Lifestyle
By: Sarah Thompson
Updated: August 21, 2023
Originally Published: April 28, 2014
Did you think your dating days were behind you once you found your partner? Think again! Making it to third base with your mom friend involves a unique set of experiences that differ quite a bit from the romantic kind.
So, you’ve reached third base. Things are about to get real. This isn’t a space for those who pretend to have it all figured out. Even if you can keep up a good front for a couple of hours, once you hit third base, your kids will reveal the truth before you can even say, “Welcome to my home.” On this field, your kids play by their own rules, meaning your friend will witness their true behavior—and how you handle it, or don’t. Yeah, no pressure!
If that doesn’t send a chill down your spine, let me share a recent “third-base” experience I had. Overall, things were going pretty smoothly until, of course, they weren’t.
My friend’s 3-year-old decided to have an accident in the upstairs bathroom, using up an entire roll of toilet paper in the process. As she nonchalantly walked out without washing her hands, I entered to find a toilet overflowing with what can only be described as man-sized floaters. Faced with that scene, I did what any respectable hostess would do—I walked right back out, acting oblivious to the disaster I had just encountered.
Just then, I heard my own 3-year-old wailing from the downstairs bathroom, and upon entering that chaotic scene, I was assaulted by a smell so foul it could strip paint. As I bent down to assist her, she offered a heartfelt, “I’m sorry, Mommy.” I quickly reassured her that everyone poops and that she had nothing to apologize for.
But as I turned to assess the situation, I realized she had turned her backside into a paintbrush, smearing feces from the toilet up the sides, on her clothes, and even her sparkly shoes. All I could manage to gasp was “How!?” in a strained tone. While she washed her hands, I tossed her dirty clothes into the trash because, honestly, I couldn’t deal with the thought of my friend upstairs on my couch, blissfully unaware of the chaos.
After cleaning the bathroom, I hurriedly bathed my daughter, and finally, I returned to the couch to continue chatting with my friend about our daily lives. Did I mention she was visiting from out of town and had no idea what my typical day was like? She might think I spend every day knee-deep in toddler disasters.
Then, just as my friend’s crew was leaving, another friend arrived with her own gaggle of kids. At this point, you might be curious about my mom-dating prowess. Let’s just say I have a certain charm that draws them in.
When my new friend asked for the bathroom, she returned with a look of horror, having almost sat down in poop herself! Apparently, my number two (pun intended) had also had an accident, leaving remnants behind. I can assure you, it’s not possible to die of embarrassment, as I tried in vain to do just that.
The next day, I discovered dried poop on our banister. Such is life at third base. While not every visit is this chaotic, and most people don’t have a revolving door of moms like it’s a coffee shop, third base is undeniably real life—often gross, but real.
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Summary:
Reaching third base with your mom friend unveils the messy realities of parenting, revealing both the chaos and camaraderie of motherhood. It’s a space where genuine experiences unfold, often filled with unexpected surprises and a fair share of gross moments. Despite the mess, these encounters strengthen friendships and create lasting memories.