Many parents find the idea of discussing sex with their teenagers daunting. Personally, I never had a conversation about it with my mother. I’m not sure if she just assumed I wasn’t sexually active or if she was oblivious to my relationships. My first visit to the gynecologist was a shock—I was eight weeks pregnant. The embarrassment of that experience, combined with being just 20 years old and unprepared, was overwhelming. I cried throughout the exam.
It would be easy to put the blame on my parents for my situation. My mother never discussed birth control, and like most teens, I thought it wouldn’t happen to me. I was a smart girl, aware of where babies come from, yet I took risks. Nine months later, I welcomed a child with a man I’d barely known. Although it was tough, having that child ultimately defined who I am today.
Fast forward 16 years; that child is now a charming, intelligent young man. Recently, he started dating a longtime friend from middle school. Their relationship is sweet, and I find joy in watching them together—until I walked into the family room one day and discovered them cuddled up on the couch.
I took a moment to gather myself before approaching them, but to my surprise, they didn’t separate. I clapped my hands and exclaimed, “Inappropriate!” as I struggled for the right words. They sat up slowly, but the moment I turned my back, they were back at it. We’ve talked about sex, but I felt we hadn’t adequately prepared him.
We maintain an open and accepting household. Our son knows he can talk to us about anything, including sensitive topics like sexuality or substance use. He understands that pursuing his passion is more important than following a traditional college path. And he knows the importance of protection during sex.
These conversations have been straightforward, often approached with humor. He has sex education at school and understands the theory behind safe practices, but that doesn’t always translate into real-life situations. My husband and I discussed why common sense fails in these moments, realizing it often stems from a lack of comfort and preparation.
Now that I’m in my thirties, it’s easy to casually advise him to wear a condom, but that doesn’t equip him for the actual moment. Just like soldiers receive training before going into battle, young people need thorough preparation for potentially risky situations.
We had a candid conversation with him about what transpired on the couch the previous night. I emphasized that while their behavior is typical for teens, it was disrespectful given my proximity. I explained how I had cared for him as a child and that seeing him in a romantic moment was unsettling.
We then discussed the next steps. While he and his girlfriend had agreed to take things slow, they would eventually find themselves in a more intimate scenario. Responsible parents often take their daughters to get on birth control; how do we, as responsible parents, prepare our sons? I instructed him to go to the store and buy condoms, spending time to learn how to use them properly. If he needed assistance, his father was available. It was crucial that he report back once he completed this task.
Initially, he seemed confused and anxious about the assignment. I could sense his discomfort, especially when I mentioned masturbation. I reminded him that girls undergo invasive procedures at gynecologist visits while managing various birth control methods, so he could certainly take a few minutes to understand how a condom works. He agreed that his task was much simpler in comparison.
To my surprise, two days later, he informed me that he had bought the condoms. When I asked if he had practiced using them, I felt just as awkward asking as he probably did answering. But this part of the conversation was essential, and despite the embarrassment, we both handled it maturely. He nodded in acknowledgment, and I took that as a win.
I no longer worry about when he will have sex for the first time. As a mother who accepts that pre-marital sex is a natural part of life, I’ve done my best to prepare him for that moment. For more insights into parenting and fertility, check out other articles like this one on the home insemination kit as well as this informative post on fertility treatment options. Additionally, for those seeking more information on fertility, ACOG provides an excellent resource on treating infertility.
In summary, navigating the sex talk with your teenage son is essential. By fostering open communication and preparing him for real-life situations, you can help him make responsible choices in the future.