Parenting a preteen daughter can be a daunting challenge. Each day feels like I’m on autopilot, repeating the same phrases only to be met with dramatic eye rolls and heavy sighs. These expressions have become a rite of passage, handed down from one generation to the next, often met with the same level of indifference. Watching my daughter effortlessly express her feelings at all times is both impressive and intimidating. It made me ponder: what if I was honest about my true feelings? Here’s an attempt to clarify what I really mean when I say certain things:
What I Say: “You don’t know everything.”
What I Mean: Honestly, I’m worried that you might actually be smarter than me. As a mother, I thought I’d have it all figured out by now, but I’m often just making it up as I go along.
What I Say: “Please be kind to your siblings; they look up to you.”
What I Mean: Please, stop torturing them! They may be annoying and messy, but your influence will shape how they treat others in the future. I’d prefer they don’t grow up to be bossy.
What I Say: “You can always talk to me about relationships.”
What I Mean: Let’s just say these conversations make me uneasy. When you were four and asked about your anatomy, I awkwardly called it a “front butt.” Now that you’re older and have heard about things like safe sex from friends, I find myself wanting to avoid the topic entirely. I wish I had the right answers instead of fumbling through it.
What I Say: “Stop being so dramatic.”
What I Mean: I get it; it feels like the universe is against you sometimes—I feel that way, too. While you won’t have full control over your emotions, try to tone down the theatrics.
What I Say: “If you roll your eyes at me one more time…”
What I Mean: I might literally lose my mind if I see that eye roll again. Also, I’ll probably need to call my mom and apologize for my own eye-rolling as a kid.
What I Say: “Pick up your clothes; I’m not your maid.”
What I Mean: I wish I didn’t have to play maid in our home.
What I Say: “Go to your room before I say something I’ll regret.”
What I Mean: Just leave me alone so I can vent my frustrations privately.
What I Say: “Be careful.”
What I Mean: There are countless risks when you’re out of my sight. The thought of anything happening to you terrifies me. You mean the world to me, and I can’t imagine life without you.
What I Say: “Stop eating so much candy.”
What I Mean: I’m genuinely worried there won’t be enough candy left for me!
What I Say: “Boys can wait.”
What I Mean: Don’t rush into anything. Enjoy being young. I once read you a book called “Chickarella,” where the characters chose partnership over marriage. I hope you embrace the same philosophy.
What I Say: “I don’t like you hanging out with that girl.”
What I Mean: I see potential trouble ahead; she may not be the best influence. Remember, your friends shape who you are, so choose wisely.
What I Say: “Do your homework.”
What I Mean: Please, don’t ask me for help with math. I haven’t kept up with the new methods that seem to have come out of nowhere!
What I Say: “I’m NOT going to remind you again…”
What I Mean: We both know I’ll probably repeat myself several more times. If you actually listened the first time, I could focus on other things—like adding to my collection of yoga pants!
In conclusion, while my words may seem straightforward, the underlying messages often reveal a deeper layer of love, concern, and the struggle of navigating the complexities of parenthood. As I work through these preteen years with my daughter, I aim to foster a relationship built on honesty and understanding.
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