As I sift through numerous profiles—height, weight, education, and hobbies—I occasionally pause at a striking face. Yet, I often find something in their descriptions that leads me to the next candidate. It’s reminiscent of my days in online dating, but instead of seeking a romantic partner for coffee, I’m on a quest to find an anonymous egg donor to help fulfill my dream of motherhood.
My journey began with love, followed by marriage, and then months of tests and consultations that revealed a disheartening truth: despite being in my 20s, I was unable to conceive using my own eggs. Thankfully, my uterus remained healthy, allowing me the option to use my husband’s sperm alongside an egg donor rather than pursue adoption.
After my husband and I made the significant decision to invest our savings into this process, I thought the hardest part was behind us. However, we now faced the task of selecting the woman who would serve as my genetic surrogate. Much like Mitt Romney’s infamous binders full of women, I found an array of profiles waiting in the office of our social worker at the fertility clinic. Having met my husband shortly after joining an online dating platform, I had expected selecting a donor to be straightforward, but the stakes felt much higher when it came to choosing someone to provide my child’s DNA. The worst-case scenario in a romantic relationship might lead to a divorce, but my children would always be my children.
I’ve been known to regret even the smallest choices, like selecting a flavored latte, so the pressure to choose the right donor was palpable. Our social worker advised that many couples prefer donors who resemble the intended mother to avoid awkward questions about family resemblance. However, I questioned whether it was wise to pass down my insecurities, such as my beak-like nose, to a future daughter. Opting for a donor with flawless teeth and gorgeous skin—perhaps even a height of 6’1” compared to my 5’3”—might not produce mini-me’s, but it could provide advantages like athletic or modeling opportunities for my future children.
Some candidates had already undergone successful donation cycles, which increased the likelihood of viable eggs for me. Still, it also meant that my future kids might have half-siblings they’d never meet, including any future children the donor might have. To limit potential connections, we quickly eliminated donors who had already contributed to other families in our area.
My husband faced a daunting task in this process. For six years, he’d expertly made me feel like the only attractive woman in his life, yet here I was, presenting him with photos of young women and asking for his honest opinions. To his credit, he was truthful, but I can’t deny it stung when he admitted a preference for blondes over my naturally dark hair.
After a few hours of reviewing profiles, we thought we had narrowed down our options sufficiently and decided to sleep on it. But while watching a reality dating show, I began to second-guess our choices. I wondered what lengths some of these potential donors might go to in their applications for the chance to receive an $8,000 compensation. Reflecting on the painful injections and medical procedures we would endure, I wished I could have offered double the amount. Ultimately, our choices were based on limited information: medical histories, a brief summary of interests, and a single black-and-white photo. How could I discern if Donor No. 437 was genuinely trilingual or if Donor No. 289 was truly part of the Junior Olympics volleyball team?
In the end, we selected the donor whose interests aligned most closely with mine, hoping she was sincere. It felt important that my future child would share a personality more akin to mine than merely physical traits. Ironically, people often comment on how much my kids resemble me, unaware of the true nature of their genetic origins.
For those contemplating this significant journey, it is essential to consider the emotional and practical aspects involved. Resources like this excellent blog can provide valuable insights, and if you’re exploring options related to fertility, check out this information from an authoritative source. Additionally, for those interested in at-home insemination, consider exploring this resource.
In summary, selecting an egg donor is an emotionally charged decision that requires careful consideration of various factors. The search for the right donor can be daunting but ultimately leads to the possibility of creating a family that feels right for you.