My father suffers from a medical condition that may eventually require an organ transplant. One afternoon, while discussing my willingness to donate if the time came, he responded with a disparaging remark about a family member’s weight. This left me speechless—not due to my own size, which was a modest eight, but because I was astounded that he would respond to my generous offer with a jab about someone’s appearance.
For the purposes of this discussion, I will not identify the family member mentioned. I refuse to propagate my father’s unkindness or embarrass them, as they have nothing to feel ashamed about. That shame belongs solely to him.
The situation escalated when I visited with my then-nine-month-old son, and my father launched into a tirade about another relative’s weight. His comments went beyond mere observation; he equated her size with unattractiveness and moral failure. Raised to be exceedingly respectful, I felt compelled to nod along, even as I internally bristled, for any dissent would be met with accusations of disrespect.
It took a tumultuous divorce, ongoing alcoholism, and his glaring indifference towards my children for me to finally declare, “Enough is enough.” I spoke to another family member who revealed the deep wounds inflicted by my father’s body shaming. Her words echoed the fears shared in my body-positive online community—fears of judgment based on appearance, the emotional scars of being mocked for size, and the pain tied to compulsive dieting.
I vividly recalled my childhood, when I heard him label loved ones as “fat” or “heifers,” and I felt both a sense of superiority for my slender frame and a lurking dread of becoming the target of his disdain.
As I navigated high school, my anxiety and depression manifested in various harmful ways, including a troubling relationship with food. Despite weighing only 100 lbs, I was convinced I was overweight, obsessing over my nonexistent belly and resorting to extreme measures to control my weight. My worth felt tied to being thin, and the terror of judgment loomed large.
I refuse to remain tethered to this destructive cycle, and more importantly, I will not expose my children to it. My father’s comments often imply that a woman’s value diminishes once she surpasses a certain size. This perspective not only objectifies women but also implies laziness and a lack of self-respect. I am tired of witnessing praise for those who fit a narrow mold of beauty while I grapple with the genetic legacy of my family, which includes thyroid issues and an inevitable struggle with weight.
Food is not merely sustenance; it’s a binding force of love and tradition. Recently, my mother and I spent hours crafting a cherished family recipe, a complex pastry that brought us joy and connection. The experience reaffirmed my belief that food should not be a source of shame but a celebration of togetherness. I hesitated, knowing my father would likely criticize my indulgence in this moment of bonding, but I silenced that nagging voice.
Some may argue that I should reconcile with my father, either confronting him or simply overlooking his behavior. However, body shaming reflects a deeper, toxic mindset that reduces individuals to their appearance, ignoring their character and humanity. This callousness toward others’ struggles is unacceptable.
I refuse to live under the shadow of his judgment or allow my children to witness the way he disrespects those he claims to love. Therefore, I have decided to distance myself from him.
Ghosting him is my choice—a means of reclaiming my peace and ensuring my family’s well-being.
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Summary
The author shares a deeply personal narrative about grappling with a father’s body shaming comments and the decision to remove him from their life. The piece addresses the harmful impact of such negativity, especially concerning family dynamics and the importance of fostering a positive environment, particularly in the context of raising children.