Every mother experiences days shrouded in darkness. Mornings that kick off at 5 a.m. and stretch endlessly into the night, where the exhaustion weighs heavily on both body and mind. On these days, even the simplest demands—like requests for food or a plea for affection—can feel overwhelming. The burden of carrying everyone’s happiness seems to rest solely on our shoulders, creating a unique blend of loneliness, frustration, and fear.
Let’s face it: these feelings are common among mothers. When we hit those dark patches, what we truly crave isn’t well-meaning advice about how to “snap out of it” or reminders of how “blessed” we are. We don’t need to hear how ungrateful we appear.
In the thick of despair, phrases like “you’re not alone” ring hollow. In those moments, our kids are often engaged in their own battles—like squabbling over a tiny red truck—while we feel isolated, the cacophony of their cries only intensifying our sense of helplessness.
Telling us, “this too shall pass,” is equally unhelpful when we’re standing over a child who refuses to do homework, despite our pleading and bribing. In those moments, we might find ourselves sounding like the very parent we never wanted to become, and the realization can be frightening.
And please, spare us the advice to “enjoy every moment.” With unkempt hair and a sense of defeat, as we trail behind a toddler making a mess with leftover rice from takeout, it’s impossible to conjure joy. Not every mother thrives in a chaotic environment; for some, a cluttered home can trigger anxiety and frustration.
While we’re grateful that dark days don’t come around too often, when they do, the last thing we want is to be told how to feel. We don’t need platitudes. What we truly seek is solidarity, understanding, and the acknowledgment that, yes, motherhood can be really tough. We need someone to say, “I understand; I’ve been there.”
Just as we encourage our children to express their feelings and validate their emotions, we need that same grace. Mothers often put their feelings aside, acting as martyrs to meet the needs of everyone else. This isn’t healthy; we must voice both our painful and angry emotions.
Most mothers hold deep love for their children and recognize how precious they are, yet on dark days, we must confront our truths. Speaking candidly can feel risky; we fear being labeled as ungrateful or whiny. But can’t we just embrace our humanity?
What parents really need is less advice and more genuine listening—without judgment or attempts to pretty things up. We need to hear, “Yes, some days are just hard. You are not alone in feeling this way.” And we don’t need reminders of how we will miss these years later; we already know that.
The dark days will indeed pass, but in the moment, we deserve to sit in that discomfort without pretenses or guilt. It’s a cathartic and healing process that allows us to eventually find the light again.
For further support and insights into motherhood, check out this blog post. Also, for those seeking authoritative guidance on pregnancy, this resource can be invaluable. If you’re navigating the challenges of conception after loss, learn more about how Make a Mom can support your journey.
Summary
Motherhood is filled with dark days that can feel isolating and overwhelming. On these tough days, what mothers need most is understanding and solidarity, rather than well-intentioned advice. It’s essential to express and validate our emotions, creating a space for honesty without guilt.