As the first holiday season approached following the passing of my partner, I found myself at a crossroads. Friends reached out, inviting me and my children to join their celebrations. We had options ranging from large parties to intimate gatherings, but I hesitated. Deep inside, I craved solitude, wishing to welcome the new year quietly with my kids. I didn’t want to feign happiness or burden anyone with my sorrow. Ultimately, fate intervened; my daughter fell ill, and we spent the night at home, watching movies and baking brownies, allowing ourselves to grieve and reflect.
Since sharing my experiences of loss publicly, I’ve received countless messages from others who are navigating their grief journeys. Many seek advice on how to cope during the holidays, often asking how to make this season more bearable for themselves and their children. The question is always similar: How do I get through this first holiday season after such a profound loss? I often feel at a loss for words, knowing how incredibly challenging this time can be.
While I can’t claim to have all the answers, I can share insights from my own experience without making any guarantees they will work for everyone.
1. Let Go of “Shoulds”
Grief is unpredictable, and there are no rules dictating how you should feel or act, especially in that initial year. Whether it’s family expectations or self-imposed pressure, it’s essential to free yourself from the word “should.” When I stopped telling myself I should participate in celebrations, I found a sense of peace. The following year, I embraced a new tradition with my children that felt right for us.
2. Create Space for Grief and Joy
Grief is a natural response to loss, one that cannot be outrun. I’ve learned the importance of allowing myself to feel the sadness, while also making room for joy. Life is fleeting, and if a moment of laughter or excitement arises, it’s okay to embrace it. The first time you feel joy after loss might feel strange, but it’s part of healing and moving forward.
3. Keep Their Memory Alive
During that first New Year’s Eve without my partner, my children and I reminisced about him. We shared stories, made cards, and prepared his favorite meals. While it didn’t erase our pain, it helped us feel connected to him in some way.
Surviving the holidays after loss is undeniably hard. There are no perfect words or solutions to make it easier; it’s simply about enduring. You may not feel like you’re thriving, but with each passing day, you are building resilience and discovering new ways to live alongside your grief.
If you’re looking for more guidance on navigating loss and the complexities of grief, check out this blog post for additional insights. For authoritative information on managing your health during this challenging time, visit this resource. Additionally, Kindbody offers excellent advice on pregnancy and home insemination, which can be beneficial as you think about future family planning.