I never envisioned this scenario unfolding in my life. The moment I cradled my daughter for the first time, gazing into her sparkling blue eyes, my heart brimmed with love and hope. I envisioned her joyous laughter, graceful dance recitals, and the wedding dress she would someday choose. I anticipated all the cherished mother-daughter moments we would share. However, three years later, we find ourselves navigating the complexities of autism and ADHD, feeling isolated and drained after being turned away from several daycare centers and losing touch with “friends” and “family.”
Months have passed since we received the dual diagnosis, and in retrospect, I’ve identified five distinct stages that parents often experience after such news.
Denial
Initially, denial takes center stage. Faced with the realization that my daughter was different, I found myself questioning the diagnosis fervently. Surely, she was just tired or hungry or having a long day, right? I defended her development by recalling milestones — walking at 10 months, speaking in complete sentences before age two, using advanced vocabulary, and maintaining eye contact most of the time. I dismissed the possibility of autism, ADHD, or SPD. How could a child who seemed so “normal” be labeled in such a way?
Disbelief
This phase quickly transitioned into disbelief, wherein I delved into research, searching for alternative explanations. I blamed various external factors — from dietary choices to environmental influences. I even convinced myself that too much screen time was the culprit. Friends and family would reassure me, insisting that all children have tantrums. However, I began to realize that not every child experiences daily meltdowns like mine.
Dissection
As I exhausted the excuses, I entered a phase of dissection. I scrutinized her behaviors, pondering whether she met the criteria for other conditions. With the internet at my disposal, I started playing amateur doctor, questioning everything the professionals said. After all, how could a girl with so many verbal skills possibly have autism? It wasn’t until I reflected on the assessments that I finally acknowledged the truth — our situation was real, and I could no longer deny it.
Acceptance
Acceptance then emerged as a crucial turning point. After enduring the judgment of others, including a character performer’s comment about my daughter’s “annoying” behavior and multiple daycare expulsions, I understood that I needed to advocate for her. This meant seeking evaluations, therapy options, and possibly medication. I began pouring resources into her support, including filing for FMLA and attending therapy sessions. I learned to view her through a lens of understanding, recognizing her unique needs beyond the expectations I had held.
Loneliness
Finally, loneliness crept in. I discovered that my conversations revolved around research, therapies, and my child’s progress to the point where friends began to distance themselves. The very people I once shared joyous moments with started avoiding invitations, leaving me feeling isolated. Some family members even dismissed the reality of the diagnosis, criticizing me for labeling my child. In response, I began to sever ties with those whose negativity hindered our journey. Thankfully, I found solace in social media support groups for parents of special needs children, which reignited my spirit.
Navigating a diagnosis for your child is undoubtedly challenging. It can test your faith in society and the kindness of others. For those who don’t parent children with special needs, please remember that we traverse emotional stages in accepting our children’s diagnoses. All we seek is to raise compassionate individuals. What you can do is extend your kindness, support our children, and teach your own kids the values of acceptance and inclusion. It can create a world of difference.
If you’re interested in learning more about the journey of parenthood, check out our other blog post on artificial insemination kits for more insights. And for more information on fertility and related topics, you can explore resources from News Medical and Intracervical Insemination.
Summary
The journey of coping with an autism/ADHD diagnosis for your child involves five emotional stages: denial, disbelief, dissection, acceptance, and loneliness. Each stage presents unique challenges and feelings. It’s important for parents to find support and advocate for their children’s needs while fostering understanding and compassion within their communities.