Yesterday marked two months since my son, Noah, had his well-check. When the pediatrician casually inquired about my daily nursing routine, I was thrown into a whirlwind of uncertainty. Do I follow a structured feeding schedule, or do I allow my baby the freedom to nurse whenever he desires? The arguments can easily be made for both approaches.
Scheduled Feeding vs. On-Demand Feeding
On one hand, scheduled feeding can lead to:
- Improved digestive regularity
- Reduced likelihood of snacking
- Better regulation of milk supply
- Greater ease in planning appointments and outings without the baby
Conversely, on-demand feeding offers:
- Less crying from the baby
- An abundance of milk
- A more relaxed lifestyle due to frequent nursing
- Enhanced bonding time between mother and baby
I hesitated to respond because, truthfully, I embody both styles. I’m a driven mom who appreciates structure, but I also cherish the moments of closeness that come from nursing on demand. This duality raises a larger question about the nature of modern motherhood.
The Battle of Ideologies
Why does it seem impossible to be both types of mothers? There’s no community for those of us who embody both philosophies, and the stark divide between camps often feels like a battlefield. I recently encountered a meme on social media that illustrated this divide perfectly.
I wish I could articulate how torn I feel between these contrasting parenting ideologies. On a typical Tuesday morning, while preparing lunch for my older children, Noah begins to cry in his bouncer. I scoop him up, place him in a baby carrier against my chest, and continue with my tasks. He settles down, content to watch the world around him, eventually drifting off to sleep.
In that moment, I feel accomplished. I’m meeting his needs.
But then, just 15 minutes later, I find myself in desperate need of a bathroom break, and my daughter needs assistance with a project. Suddenly, the baby carrier feels constricting, and I attempt the delicate maneuver of transferring him to his crib. Unfortunately, he wakes shortly thereafter, leaving me with a baby who has only napped for 20 minutes.
Trying Different Approaches
The next day, I decide to try a different approach. Remembering my frustrations, I place Noah in his crib for a nap while I prepare lunch for the older kids. I can hear him crying in the other room, and my anxiety begins to spike. I pace back and forth, checking on him every few minutes, offering comfort and replacing his pacifier. Eventually, he falls asleep, and I once again feel a sense of accomplishment.
But just 15 minutes later, he’s back to crying—this time in a more distressed tone. I can’t bear to hear him upset and scoop him back into my arms, instinctively shushing him while I place him back in the baby carrier.
Thirty minutes later, I receive a call from the pharmacy about a prescription ready for pickup. I glance at the car seat in the corner, wishing I had put him to sleep there instead. Now, I need to navigate errands with a baby who wakes up as soon as I try to transfer him.
Feeding Times and the Balancing Act
This scenario plays out similarly during feeding times. There are days I prefer to keep track of when he last nursed, allowing me to gauge whether he’s tired or hungry. A schedule provides me with a sense of control and enables me to leave him with my partner, Jake, while I run errands, knowing he’s feeding well.
However, the reality is that accidents happen. I might bump his head while transferring him from the car seat, and without fail, my instinct is to nurse him—despite having just done so at home. In those moments, when I sit down to nurse in the car, I feel a rush of empowerment as he happily feeds.
But, of course, there are challenges. During the hectic dinner rush, Noah starts showing signs of hunger while I’m elbow-deep in food prep. I glance at the clock, feeling uncertainty about whether he can wait a few minutes longer.
Time and again, I find myself caught between two worlds. I adore having him close at night—until I long for intimacy with Jake and struggle with how to transfer him to his crib. I appreciate the safety of his crib—until I find myself constantly getting up to soothe him back to sleep.
I find joy in taking him for walks in the stroller—until he cries, and I wish I had the carrier instead.
Embracing Both Styles
Why can’t I embrace both feeding styles? Why can’t I blend the benefits of babywearing with those of scheduled feeds? Is it possible to have him demand feed on some days and follow a schedule on others?
With these thoughts swirling, I paused before answering the doctor’s question about how often I nurse him. “Sometimes it’s eight times a day, sometimes it’s less. It varies,” I replied. She smiled and reassured me, “That’s perfectly fine. My main concern is how you’re managing.”
And that’s the crux of it. The parenting wars only serve to create confusion and defensiveness among mothers. Why can’t we simply embrace the fact that we can be both types of moms?
I’m both a structured and an intuitive mother, and you know what? I feel empowered. I feel successful. I’m doing exactly what my baby needs of me, and I know I’m not alone in this journey.
Further Reading
For more insight on navigating motherhood, check out this post on home insemination kits and if you’re curious about fertility resources, Hopkins Medicine’s Fertility Center offers excellent information. For those interested in HCG levels, this site provides trustworthy resources.
Summary
In the journey of motherhood, many women find themselves caught between varying parenting styles, especially when it comes to feeding methods. The conflict between scheduled and on-demand feeding creates feelings of inadequacy and confusion. Embracing both approaches can empower mothers to meet their children’s needs while also taking care of themselves.