Here’s the nagging thought: “I’ll just quickly check my email to ensure everything’s okay.” This is a familiar refrain that many of us hear each morning, a constant pull between the desire to disconnect from work and the compulsion to stay engaged. It’s a confusing mix that leads many of us to reach for our phones first thing in the morning.
If you’re anything like me, you enjoyed a brief respite from work during the holiday season. While some of us had time off starting weeks before Christmas, others may have only had a few days. For me, my break began after submitting final semester grades and is supposed to last until the spring semester kicks off—roughly four weeks of supposed freedom. What a luxury, right?
However, for those of us in education or similar fields, this luxury often feels elusive. Each day, I find myself contemplating work: updating my CV, revising syllabi, planning future lectures. It’s exhausting just thinking about it. How do I quiet the incessant worry about work? More importantly, why can’t I turn off my brain’s obsession with work-related thoughts?
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Through group therapy sessions, mom meet-ups, and conversations with fellow educators, I see that many share this relentless inner voice urging them to work constantly. This voice, I’ve come to realize, is usually self-imposed. But when did this overwhelming need to perform become ingrained in us?
As children, particularly girls and children of color, we were often fed messages that echoed similar themes:
- Always give your best
- Honor your commitments
- Push through and lean in
- Every effort counts
- Never stop trying
As adults, I can now recognize these messages as a blend of sexist and racist ideologies, designed to mold us into diligent workers. Yet, as a child, all I wanted was love and acceptance, so I poured myself into these expectations, often without understanding the sacrifices I was making.
Now, as I strive to set boundaries, I find the effort both necessary and draining. Questions about loyalty and societal pressures can distort our sense of reality. Each step toward reclaiming our autonomy is crucial.
Then there’s the work of being a mother. Conversations about whether to label parenting as “work” can be endless. How do we justify the time spent nurturing our families against other career ambitions? The privilege of even pondering these questions is significant. Did my mother or grandmothers ever have the luxury to choose between home and career? Did they grieve the time they devoted to work? Unlike today, they lacked the constant connectivity of emails and smartphones, but the societal pressures remain. The discussion itself is work, intertwined with trauma that many may never fully escape.
So, how can we reclaim our power and move past the relentless call to work?
Grief and Joy.
We deserve to live without the perpetual need to work. We are entitled to rest, to grieve the time lost to ceaseless labor, and to seek joy beyond our professional obligations. We are allowed to find happiness in simply being.
Yet, another voice often sneers, “Just stop working already.” This dismissive tone trivializes our struggles and disregards the societal pressures we face. Our culture often demands that we sacrifice our well-being for productivity.
Remember that nagging thought: “I’ll just check my email quickly.” This relentless voice is part of an ideology that can be suffocating. As an academic, I feel its weight even more acutely, especially as a gender studies professor, where I often question my own freedom from this internalized pressure. As a mom, I counter this voice with the empowering reminder that “Everything is okay already.”
To everyone striving to find rest amidst the chaos: You’re not alone. Your worth is not tied to your productivity. Embrace the power of rest.
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Summary
Working mothers often face the challenge of balancing professional responsibilities and personal well-being. The pressure to constantly perform can be overwhelming, leading to an internal struggle between work and rest. Acknowledging our worth outside of productivity is essential, and finding joy in moments of rest is vital for our mental health.