Lifestyle
Navigating the Chaos: A Quarantine Photo Journal
by Emma Thompson
Updated: November 6, 2020
Originally Published: November 6, 2020
Motherhood is an emotional whirlwind. The highs bring joy and energy, while the lows can be overwhelming and deflating. One moment, I’m filled with delight as I watch my little one uncover new wonders, and the next, I’m battling the urge to flee from a screaming child! And this was just during regular times, back when stepping outside was actually an option.
Being a mother in the midst of a pandemic is an experience unlike any I’ve ever faced. It’s certainly not something any of us signed up for. To say it’s challenging would be a gross understatement—it’s truly impossible. These days, I hear “mama” far more often than I hear my own name. I am completely immersed in motherhood.
I cherish my children above all, but I never anticipated spending every single moment with them. Ordinarily, I have breaks when I can momentarily take off my “Mommy” hat and just be Emma. They attend school and daycare while I work. Plus, they would sometimes stay with their grandmother, giving my husband and me a chance for date nights. Those breaks were essential for recharging, and now, in this pandemic, they’ve vanished. Without those moments to rejuvenate, my energy levels are dwindling. While there are still joyful moments, the relentless togetherness is tiring.
I know many mothers are sharing this extended experience of motherhood alongside me. Yet, unlike normal times, we can’t gather for coffee or cocktails to chat about it. We are all living through the repetitive days filled with pretend play, virtual schooling, constant meal prep, emotional management, and cleanup, while also trying to juggle work commitments and maintain a sense of our pre-mom selves. Each day feels like waking up, rinsing, and repeating.
In ordinary times, I’m a photographer. From an artistic lens, the pandemic has sparked a fascinating narrative—the family dynamic under lockdown. Sadly, the pandemic has prevented me from photographing other families navigating this unique experience, so I turned the camera towards the only subjects I had access to—myself and my children!
I embarked on a self-portrait series with my kids, driven by the whirlwind of emotions I felt as a mother during these unprecedented times. Channeling those feelings into photographs was cathartic and turned into a wonderful collaboration with my children. Not only did we create images that resonate with other mothers and caregivers, but my kids also got to see me as a photographer, as a person beyond just their mom. It felt like a small recharge for my spirit.
With my children home all the time, I receive plenty of “help” with daily tasks. I think my laundry gets folded at least four times: first by my kids, then I refold it, it gets tossed around during some pretend play, and finally, I fold it again with a glass of wine in hand after they’ve gone to bed.
Being stuck indoors means that the refrigerator is always in sight. In our modern Pavlovian world, my children now seem to have an endless appetite. “Can I have this? What about that? How about a…”— it feels never-ending. I wish I could hide it away like I do the noisy toys relatives send, but it’s too large to conceal. I can’t openly say it, but I sometimes wish they would just sneak snacks and leave me in peace.
We’re discovering ways to appreciate what were once mundane moments. Early in the pandemic, I felt pressured to do extraordinary things to entertain my girls, convinced they needed excitement to compensate for what they were missing. But in reality, quality time and love are more than enough.
Driving has transformed from a simple means of transportation into a noteworthy activity. Sometimes, we just take a drive to escape the house and regain a sense of normalcy. From the safety of our car, we get glimpses of the community we miss. At times, it’s comforting to see familiar sights; at others, it’s saddening to witness the emptiness. For me, it’s a chance to sneak in a moment with my own thoughts while the girls are secured in their seats.
Working from home with kids is akin to trying to construct a paragraph one word at a time throughout the day. Each email I manage to send feels like a monumental achievement. If there are typos, too bad—no apologies here!
Some days, I wear my “Mama” hat with pride. You know those days when everything just clicks? On those days, my kids suggest activities, and I can dive right in without hesitation, delighting them with my participation. It brings me joy to see their happiness; their approval means a lot to me. I pat myself on the back for nailing it.
However, not every day is like that. There are times when I simply don’t feel like being “Mama.” In the past, I would call for backup—organizing playdates or hiring a babysitter to get a breather. But now, escape is not an option. Those moments of feeling trapped are the hardest to bear.
Getting outside in the sunshine significantly boosts my energy. We go on plenty of walks, and I often give in to their requests to bring along various items. I know what will happen—we’ll be distracted, and our strolls will turn into the slowest of expeditions. The bikes they promise to ride will be left behind, and my oldest will stop multiple times to read excerpts from the latest book she’s obsessed with. If there were a record for the longest walk around the block, we’d surely be contenders.
Sometimes, if I’m fortunate, I can steal a quick nap. But even then, it seems like my children are magnetically drawn to me. No matter how much space is available, they end up on top of me or burrowing in close. Is this some coordinated effort?
Even when the world feels chaotic, my girls manage to find joy. Their cheerful faces are what keep me going.
The pandemic has given us the opportunity to experiment with new recipes. My children love to bake, and while I’m uncertain if I enjoy the process, it usually ends with a delicious treat—except for that disastrous banana bread attempt.
I know I’m not designed to be a perfect mother all the time, and that’s perfectly okay. My kids don’t need my undivided attention every second. So, when they give me the space, I seize the moment.
When life feels overwhelming, I sometimes revert to being a kid myself. Riding a tricycle is far more enjoyable than folding laundry, which seems nearly pointless these days. Who cares about wrinkled clothes when we’re home all the time?
Somehow, we are managing to make this work—one day at a time, one activity at a time. It’s exhausting, but we’re getting through it.
In moments when motherhood feels suffocating, I remind myself of the importance of being a constant presence in my children’s lives. In these uncertain times, I strive to be that steady force for them. I may not always succeed, but I always show up, and my love remains unwavering.
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- How to cope with parenting during a pandemic
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Summary:
This article reflects on the challenges and emotions of motherhood during the pandemic, highlighting the exhaustion of constant togetherness and the struggle to maintain personal identity while managing children’s needs. The author shares experiences of creativity, moments of joy, and the importance of being a stable presence for her children in uncertain times.