By: Rachel Mitchell
Originally Published: March 11, 2016
Updated: May 26, 2020
I found myself in a bustling fast-food restaurant, gazing up at the chaotic play area filled with the sounds of laughter and chatter. Suddenly, amidst the joyful noise, I recognized the unmistakable cry of my nephew, Oliver. While other parents glanced around, I knew this cry belonged to my family. Moments later, Oliver emerged from the tube slide, looking as if he had just come from a battle—flustered and sweaty, he stammered, “He hit me…in…my…face.”
Oliver is just 5 years old and is known for his heightened emotional sensitivity. Following closely behind him was his cousin, my son, Ethan, also 5, clutching the shirt of the toddler responsible for the incident. With determination, Ethan pushed the little culprit toward me, declaring, “This is the one!”
I knelt down to meet a cherubic-faced 2-year-old who was clearly oblivious to the gravity of the situation. Despite the age and size differences, the other child’s mother attempted to coax an apology from her son. Yet, Oliver wasn’t ready to forgive, expressing that he was simply “not prepared” to accept one just yet.
The reality is that Oliver embodies what it means to be a highly sensitive child. My sister and her husband often find themselves at a crossroads. While typical children may shed a few tears when hurt, Oliver experiences emotions on a much deeper level. They strive to reassure him, offering empathy without too much concern, hoping not to amplify his distress. This delicate balance is challenging to maintain.
The Challenges of Raising a Highly Sensitive Child
Raising a highly sensitive child means grappling with the realities of a world that often feels overwhelming. On one hand, parents want their kids to develop resilience; on the other, they don’t want to raise them to be indifferent. Sensitive children, like Oliver, can be easy targets for bullying, as their reactions are often more intense than those of their peers. Witnessing Oliver approach a classmate with pure joy, only to be met with indifference, is heart-wrenching. The tears that follow are a testament to his emotional depth.
My sister was not present during the incident at the restaurant, but later, when she asked Oliver about his day, he recounted the encounter with the boy who hit him, overshadowing the fun he had at a dinosaur exhibit or the joy of bouncing in inflatable houses. What dominated his narrative was the “tube incident,” which left me feeling like I had failed as an aunt, allowing Oliver to be hurt in a moment of playful exploration.
Understanding Emotional Sensitivity
Here’s the truth about Oliver and other highly sensitive individuals: their emotional sensitivity is not a flaw to be fixed. It’s not a disorder; it’s a fundamental aspect of who they are. Imagine being told to suppress an emotion you feel deeply—it’s nearly impossible. These children experience empathy at an extraordinary level, often wishing to help others and showing profound care. Oliver would willingly part with all his toys if it meant giving joy to children in need. In contrast, my son Ethan would negotiate fiercely over his toys, highlighting the differences in how children process emotions.
There isn’t a simple solution for parenting a highly sensitive child. They experience life with an intensity that can stop them in their tracks when faced with minor setbacks. A small bump can provoke dramatic responses, and losing a game can lead to tears. While you can provide coping strategies and support, sensitive kids often wear their emotions visibly, and with love and encouragement, they will learn to navigate their feelings more effectively as they mature. These children recognize that their emotional expressions can push others away, yet they often feel unable to control their tears.
The Beauty of Sensitivity
The passion and tenderness they possess are remarkable. So, the next time you witness your highly sensitive child in distress over a minor incident, remember: they don’t need to toughen up for a world that can be harsh. Their sensitive hearts are exactly what our world craves more of.
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Conclusion
In summary, raising a highly sensitive child presents unique challenges, but it also offers profound rewards. These children teach us the beauty of emotional depth and the importance of empathy in a world that often seems intent on hardening hearts.