As a parent, envisioning your future with daughters often includes dreams of frilly dresses, tea parties, and playful afternoons spent creating art together. However, my reality looked quite different. From a young age, my daughter, Emma, gravitated toward blue, opting for Buzz Lightyear shirts and Matchbox cars over the traditional pinks and sparkles I had envisioned. Although I yearned for a little princess, I quickly realized that Emma was unapologetically herself, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
As time passed, Emma was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), but even before that, she consistently identified as a boy. Our conversations about anatomy were age-appropriate, yet they confirmed that this was not just a fleeting phase. She wasn’t confused or seeking attention; she was simply expressing her true self.
Every time I referred to her as a “good girl,” I was promptly corrected. “No, Mama, I’m a boy.” When offering her a pink shirt, she would vehemently refuse, stating, “I can’t wear a girls’ shirt!” We never assigned gender labels to her toys or clothing, yet Emma was influenced by societal norms and media. To her, boys wore T-shirts and played with trucks. Her perception of identity was clear-cut; while we might have labeled her a “tomboy,” she firmly believed she was a boy.
Common Traits of Gender Dysphoria
According to WebMD, children experiencing gender dysphoria often exhibit several common traits, including:
- Consistently asserting their identity contrary to their physical traits
- Preferring friends of the gender they identify with
- Rejecting traditional gendered clothing and toys
- Expressing a desire for their physical bodies to match their gender identity
- Experiencing distress over bodily changes during puberty
When I found myself explaining to my young daughter what a penis is, I struggled with the very word. Yet, that moment marked a turning point in my understanding of her gender dysphoria. Emma knew who she was and, with tears in her eyes, begged me to let her be a boy. “I don’t want to have a bagina! You can’t make me be a girl!” Despite the challenges, we continued to love and support her, embracing her identity fully.
While neither her ASD nor her gender dysphoria diagnoses shocked us, they raised concerns about her future. Would others accept her? Would she find friends? Would she be happy? When I finally shared Emma’s situation with family and friends, they rallied around us with immense support. They respected her wishes to be identified as a boy without question.
However, societal backlash soon emerged, particularly after Target announced its inclusive bathroom policy. Comments like “Transgender people are disgusting” and “They’re just looking for attention” flooded my social media. Each negative remark felt like a personal attack on my beautiful Emma. It broke my heart to think of her existing in a world filled with such ignorance and hate.
I understand the fears surrounding safety in public spaces, especially for those who have children of their own. We live in a world with valid concerns, yet the reality of predatory behavior is not exclusive to any one group. The bathroom situation has been a significant issue for Emma. On numerous occasions, we found ourselves outside men’s restrooms, with Emma desperately pleading to enter. “I’ll wait until they all leave and go in quickly!” she insisted, fully aware of the societal rules that dictated her access.
The frustration of those moments is compounded by the fact that Emma knows she is different. She has never wavered in her belief that she is a boy, and I admire her confidence.
When a friend once asked me, “What’s the hardest part of having a child on the spectrum?” my answer was instantaneous: “Other people.” This sentiment rings equally true regarding raising a child with gender dysphoria.
To my daughter, I promise: I will never teach you to be someone you’re not. I will always support you in being your true self. As long as I breathe, I will advocate for a world that embraces you. Together, we will work to foster understanding and kindness, celebrating your uniqueness every day.
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In summary, raising a child with gender dysphoria presents unique challenges primarily rooted in societal perceptions and judgments. It’s essential to prioritize love, understanding, and acceptance in nurturing their identity while advocating for a more inclusive world.