When the time comes to potty train your child, you might think you’re equipped with all the necessary tools. You’ve likely read a few parenting books or leaned on friends who have successfully navigated this rite of passage. However, once you dive into the process, you may quickly realize it can be much more challenging than anticipated. Accidents happen, tempers flare, and laundry piles up. But eventually, the hard work pays off, and your little one graduates to being a big kid!
Yet, there’s another aspect of potty training that often goes unspoken: regressions. We’re not talking about the occasional slip-up that can happen when your two-year-old has just started to master the toilet. No, we’re referring to the more complex regressions that can occur once your child has entered school and you thought those days were behind you.
I find myself currently grappling with this reality as my daughter, Emma, has recently experienced a surge in accidents. It’s a frustrating situation that brings forth emotions I didn’t know I possessed. Each time she stands up from the couch with a wet bottom, I ask if she knows what’s happened, only to receive a nonchalant shrug in response.
My husband and I have always reassured Emma that accidents are perfectly normal and that we won’t be angry if they happen. We want her to feel comfortable discussing these issues, especially since I personally dealt with a bladder disorder as a child that left me feeling immense shame. Thankfully, I’ve been transparent with Emma about my experiences, ensuring she feels no embarrassment when an accident occurs. And I’m proud to say she doesn’t seem phased by the slips, no matter where we are.
However, everything changed when we relocated at the end of her first school year. Moving out of the city disrupted her routine and separated her from the friends she had made. This upheaval led to a noticeable increase in accidents. While some days passed without incident, there were also days when she’d have as many as five accidents. She would return home wearing another child’s clothing because she had gone through her spare outfits at school.
We approached the situation with patience, reminding her that we were not upset, just puzzled about her inability to recognize the need to go. I encouraged her to visit the restroom more frequently, but she often returned with the same response: she couldn’t go. Eventually, she confessed that she sometimes held it in because she didn’t like being told what to do. She also mentioned her aversion to washing her hands, which further complicated her willingness to use the bathroom.
At five years old, Emma is likely grappling with a fear of missing out (FOMO) that causes her to ignore her body’s signals until it’s too late. I’ve consulted with our physician, who believes her challenges are behavioral. The power struggles we face daily feel exhausting. She often refuses to drink water at school to avoid the need to use the restroom. Each morning is a battle to remind her to go before we leave for school, resulting in frustrating mornings filled with yelling, pleading, and bargaining. Despite our efforts, nothing has proven effective for more than a couple of weeks.
Every day presents a new challenge as we navigate this natural part of life. Unfortunately, no amount of reasoning or discussions has led to any lasting change. For now, I can only hope that when well-meaning individuals assure me that this phase will pass, they are correct.
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In summary, potty training regression can be a frustrating ordeal, especially after you think you’ve conquered it. It’s a reminder that every child’s journey is unique, and what works one day may not work the next. With patience and understanding, we can support our children through these challenging times.